The Warlock's Apprentice
by Gemmaaaaa
Summary: Merlin has brought about the reign of Uther Pendragon after the battle of the red and white dragons and now he has put Arthur upon the throne of Camelot. All of that was nothing compared to resisting the seductive Morgana - his new apprentice. Will they find love together? Will Morgause lead Morgana down the dark path?
1. Chapter 1

He'd managed many great achievements in his lifetime thus far; he had prophesized Uther's reign, the downfall of Vortigen, the two dragons and more. He'd managed to turn his back on the dark arts and although he still felt the pull towards it every now and then. He closed his blue eyes as he felt the familiar temptation flood back yet again.

He focused his breathing to stop it; his hands were shaking where they gripped the black leather of the mare's reigns. It hurt the loss of such power; he felt it within every inch of him – like something was missing, like he was denying a part of himself.

Which in truth he was. He was the devil's spawn after all was he not? The fatherless child. The son of the woman who had lain with Satan. Darkness was a part of him and rejecting it was rejecting _himself_. Gods he longed for it sometimes, to use the curses upon enemies, to shapeshift no matter the pain, he could control peoples, love, whom they lusted for, protection, diseases. And so much more.

Of course he could easily do such things with his powerful light magic but it was all so much _stronger_ with dark magic.

He had achieved many things in his lifetime thus far; but _nothing _was as hard as keeping the pledge he'd sworn to the goddess riding in front of him. He closed his eyes and allowed his magic to wash the memory back into the front of his mind.

_The room was warm, bordering on too hot under his robes but it would have only taken a little spell to fix. They both were calm within his bedchamber; there were so many other reasons he wanted her in this room but it appeared she was blind to him. He had always resented the fact that he did not age past twenty three until he met her; seventeen years old, long raven curls falling to her waist, the greenest eyes he had ever laid eyes upon. _

_She was something from a legend; she was a mythical creature before his very eyes. She lay on the ground beside the fire staring intently upon the dancing flames; he could not help but allow his eyes to roam her body. The swell of her breasts visible from his position; he was constantly aroused whenever he was in her presence. He wanted her desperately but he loathed admitting; it was not her body alone he desired. _

_He wanted all of her. _

_He had become so smitten with the woman, at times he could not think straight from thought of her. Sometimes he'd be reminded of her by the perfumes of ladies, a colour she'd once dawned. He did not like it! He was the most powerful being to walk this earth yet he was acting like a love struck milkmaid! _

"_Merlin?" He heard her whisper into the large chamber, so quietly he almost did not hear it. _

"_Morgana?" _

"_If you so wished, you could take me unwillingly and use your magic to make me forget could you not?" She whispered. He was aghast, why would she ask such a thing? Did she believe he would force such an ordeal upon her? He believed he'd rather die. But he would not lie to her; he would answer her truthfully._

"_I could if I so wished it." She had not turned her head from the flames; she was a flame and he a moth. He could not resist her, since he'd taken her on as his apprentice in magic…She'd wanted for nothing, he'd made sure of it. She had chambers with a connecting door to his for her protection – he had to know she was safe at all hours of the day and night – and she was clad in gowns that rivalled Guinevere's. _

_She was the most beautiful woman in Arthur's court, many Lords, Earls, Barons; Knights had proposed marriage to her. He had not allowed her to consider one of them. He'd pointed out their worst flaws, used his magic to force the men into humiliation and worse…His darkness had consumed him one night with the man that had attempted to force himself upon her…He'd made sure he'd died in the most pain known to man. _

"_Or if you wished for me to be willing, you could make me willing to bed you with your magic could you not?" She spoke slowly and he was beginning to become agitated with her._

"_Why on earth do you wish to be privy to these matters Morgana?" He sighed and with a flick of his wrist a deep goblet of wine appeared in his hand and he indulged in a long wig of the liquid. He would bloody need it to continue this conversation. _

"_Could you or could you not?" Her tone was harsher now, usually he enjoyed stretching her temper until she snapped; but now he could not help but wonder why she seemed to be angry with him. He had done nothing worthy of anger; he'd never laid a hand upon her flesh in an erotic way! _

"_I could! But I do not-" He started his voice raising until she cut him off. She quickly moved to stand above him, the only time she was could look down upon him was when he was sitting. _

"_Then Merlin Emrys I want you to swear to me that you will never use your magic to force me to lay with you." _

"_Morgana…" He started but she cut him off once more._

"_I mean it! I don't feel safe around you knowing that you have such power inside of you! I don't like it! Swear it to me Emrys or I shall walk from these chambers and you will never see me again!" She shouted and he finally stood, magically making the goblet disappear. _

_The very thought of her suddenly disappearing from his life filled him with terror. It could not happen; he wouldn't let her._

"_I swear it Morgana! I would never have used such power over you anyway! Does that help?" He grabbed her shoulders; their eyes didn't break contact once._

"_Thank you." She whispered. He had wanted to kiss her; her own eyes flickered between his eyes and his lips. She wanted it. _

_But he pulled back._

He had pulled back. Not because he did not want to kiss her, but because he was afraid of where it would lead them. They could not bed each other. Not just because of the pledge but because of her magical naivety. She was not strong enough to handle his magic, if they were to sleep together, then his magic would stretch out and consume her. She was not strong enough for something like that. The only woman he'd ever been able freely loosen his magic whilst bedding was Nimueh and she was gone from this world.

He could easily break his pledge, bed her and allow his magic to destroy her.

But he loved her too much.

Xoxox

**Okay I know you're all thinking, she's starting another story and she's been so terrible at updating recently I know, I kno****w****. I go on Christmas break soon so updates should be better then! **

**This fic is set in the Arthurian Legend and it's strongly based on the story of Merlin and Nimueh but with Morgana as his apprentice instead, it's going to be a sexual battle of who can hold out the longest etc. It is going to be an M though! **

**Now read at your own will! Spoilers for Merlin S05E11 down here!**

**You were warned.**

**Omg! Morgana knows Merlin's Emrys! YESS! FINALLY! I wish she'd shown more emotion though…And the preview for the**** next episode :o! Merlin's scream at the end! It's going to be a looooonngg week guys **


	2. Chapter 2

She could not believe it. He'd brought that…That woman here three weeks ago after the Saxon attack on one of Camelot's villages claiming her family had been slaughtered and she needed someone to protect her. Of course that person _had _to be Merlin. Since Rosalie arrived, she'd barely seen Merlin at all. He spent all his time with Rosalie these days. It was as if he no longer had any time to spare for her anymore.

She'd never been jealous of anything in her life, being brought up in a distant villiage she did not have much to covet, but as much as she loathed to admit; she was jealous. And she did not like it. But that…that…Bitch was on a some kind of quest to seduce her master! She would call him into her chambers whilst she was in various states of undress, such as clothed only in her shift – or worse still! When she was bathing! But Merlin did not seem to mind! She did not understand; why was he so drawn to her?

She sat at the window in her chamber watching, waiting for them to return. Merlin had came to her this morning, to cancel their magic lesson – so that he could take Rosalie riding! Angry tears sprung to her eyes, how could he? She'd thought he'd valued her but apparently he valued Rosalie more than her. She slowly pressed her forehead against the cold glass and closed her eyes; maybe she should just resign herself to this fate. To being Merlin's apprentice and no more. Not friends, simply teacher and student.

The sound of laugher outside broke her from her transe, her green eyes opened to see Merlin's hands around Rosalie's waist as he helped her down from her horse. She took a shakey breath before moving away from the window. She simpley did not understand, how Merlin did not see the horrible side to his presious Rosalie; he only saw what was on the outside. And even she had to admit, Rosalie made her look like an ugly tavern whore. And she _hated _her for it.

Morgana had been living within Camelot as Merlin's apprentice for almost a year now and every night Merlin had dined alone with her until Rosalie arrived. Instead Merlin choose to dine publicly with Rosalie at his side. She'd once ventured down to the court's feast but had to endure witnessing Merlin lead Rosalie out for every dance.

She was sure there was something magical around Rosalie, she'd seen the blonde's eyes flash golden a few weeks past but that is not what worried her. The fact that the woman's eyes turned gold with magic at Merlin's back! She'd tried to tell him but he was too infatuated.

"Most powerful being on earth my arse." She muttered to herself as she smoothed down her gown; she'd go to the King! Maybe Arthur would believe her! Merlin would listen to Arthur and then he'd believe her…He had too.

Xoxox

"And that is why I need you to intervine your majesty." She was on her knee's in Arthur's audience room, the blonde King sat upon his throne listening intently. Gods she prayed he would help her. She'd finished talking but the King had not spoken a word, she dared to lift her gaze to meet Arthur's and her heart sank when she saw his face.

He was smirking.

"Morgana, I have always valued your opinions highly due to Merlin's great faith and trust in you but…Morgana…"Arthur seemed unsure what to say to her, "I know it must it hard for you of late, learning to control your magic and visions."

He did not believe her.

Rage and humiliation surged within her, she felt her cheeks stain red with it.

"I am aware that it can be extremely hard and stressful, the gods know what Merlin can be like at times…But I am the King of Camelot and I simply do not have time to negotiate with woman's jealousy. Go rest Morgana and you shall feel better come morn." Arthur signalled the end of the royal audience. She rose and walked from the room and slammed the chamber door shut behind her.

She was alone in this.

Xoxox

She slowly ran her fingers down the age old spell book that she'd found within Merlin's chambers; she was relaxing on one of the chairs by the fireplace; there was so many spells, so much magic, so many rituals. Sometimes she doubted she would be able to know as much as Merlin did. Those moments were her darkest, Merlin expected so much of her sometimes it choked her. She had come here to forget, to forget about Rosalie, forget about Arthur Pendragon…But not Merlin.

She did know what she felt for that bloody man.

When the door opened suddenly she did not even look up; she could sense his power. She only met his powerful gaze when she heard the chamber door close behind him. "May I ask why you're lounging in my chambers rather than your own?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

He was jesting and she smiled back at him, finally he was actually being normal around her, these past few weeks he'd only spoken to her to argue or to praise Rosalie.

"Oh I'm merely thieving everything you own." She put the spell book aside.

"I've been summoned to Arthur" she could not help the panic that erupted within her, what if Arthur told Merlin what happened today? That he believed Morgana was jealous of Rosalie; humiliation rose within her…

"What for?" He looked confused by the urgency of her voice but she was seconds away from shaking him. Which she knew would be a bad idea.

"A meeting of the Round Table. Morgana what is bothering you?"

She felt the relief spread through her like wild fire.

"Nothing master." He clearly did not believe her but accepted it.

"I'll be back within the hour. And then we shall have that lesson I cancelled." He called over his shoulder and then the door closed and he was gone.

Morgana moved across the room and allowed herself to lay upon her master's bed to attempt to collect her thoughts and emotions; she had to keep her emotions under control because they were they key to her magic, so Merlin had taught her. She heard the door swing open once more. Merlin must have forgotten something, a document perhaps?

"What did you forget Milord?" She asked without opening her eyes.

"What are you doing in Lord Merlin's chambers?" She heard the too sweet voice of Rosalie; when she sat up something caught her eye around Rosalie's neck. Whatever it was, it was glowing.

"What is that? Around your neck?" She asked as she stood facing the woman. Rosalie's gaze faltred slightly before she spoke.

"It is none of your concern Morgana." The woman's hand grasped the gem as if to hide it, Morgana met her brown eyes; she would not back down. She could be wrong, it may be a simple trinket but she had to know. She tried to remember everything Merlin had taught her about magical gems, from what she remembered; that looked like one.

"Is that a charm?" She growled, she wanted to lunge for the woman, rip that necklace from her neck and expose her for what she really was. She knew she was right! She was enchanting Merlin using that necklace and she would stop it.

"I'll tell Merlin exactly what you are doing." She hissed, he had to believe her now…She made to move past the woman but before she knew what happened she was slammed against the wall and a pounding ache began in her head. Rosalie had used magic on her!

"Merlin will not believe you Morgana." She smiled sweetly from across the room, they were complete contrasts in almost every way, blonde hair to her black, brown eyes to green, tanned skin to ivory…

"Of course he'll believe me!"

"Oh but he will not, you see Morgana that is the advantage of allowing a man to have you…He will believe everything you say. Really you should have let him take you long before now. Your situation would be very different now if you had."

Morgana's mind reeled, they'd slept together? No…Merlin wouldn't…

"You're lying!" Morgana dragged herself up ignoring the searing pain in her head. Rosalie suddenly began to laugh; a high pitched shrill laugh.

"If I had spun you a tale Morgana, then explain how I received this?" She swept her golden hair aside to reveal a purpleish mark upon her neck. "He gave me this with his lips." She smirked. Morgana's magic was building, and she wished desperately to use it to lash out at her, to hurt her, to make her stop talking.

Suddenly the oak door swung open to reveal her master standing there, he could probably feel the tension in the air between them. His face darkened and then Morgana knew, he knew something was wrong.

"What the hell is going on here?" He hissed and slammed the door shut once more with his magic. Rosalie suddenly gasped with a fake sob and Merlin's eyes immediately softened toward her; but then his eyes turned to her and they were full disappointment which since Rosalie had arrived had become the norm.

"I was merely trying to help her." Rosalie whimpered pathetically.

Morgana was angry…No she was furious! How dare that woman try to turn Merlin against her! Well two can play at the pathetic damsel routine!

"I…I didn't feel well…My magic…I started having visions and it hurt." She whimpered, she wasn't lying, but she _was _exaggerating. Suddenly she genuninely swayed as the pain within her head grew greater. Merlin moved quickly to catch her and held her within his strong arms before taking her up into his arms like a bride.

"You must rest Morgana." He whispered and allowed her to bury her neck into his shoulder and breathing his scent. She opened her eyes to see Rosalie's scared and outraged expression, her necklace had stopped glowing altogether but Morgana could not dwell on it as Merlin had taken her through the connecting door to her own chambers and closed it behind him.

He gently laid her upon her bed amongst her linens before he spoke in a hushed, relaxed tone. "No magic lessons tomorrow."

No! She'd already missed today's lesson, she'd begin falling behind if she missed another one...But she'd found a way to break Rosalie's enchantment, a physical connection to Merlin. The very thought brought her mind back to the night she'd forced Merlin to swear he would not use his magic to take her. And then immediately after how she'd wanted to kiss him…Gods she'd wanted to kiss him so badly.

She could not allow him to be alone with Rosalie for too long, they could…If Rosalie was indeed speaking truth then they could bed each other again…The thought made her want to wretch. She had to keep them separated.

"I'll be fine come morn I promise." She could feel herself beging to fall into deep unconsciousness, her head was spinning.

"Hearing that gladdens my heart Morgana but you must rest." Then she felt his hot lips upon her forehead softly. She leaned into the touch until he pulled away but their faces were so close; only a small movement one of their parts and they would be kissing. Why did she want to kiss him so badly? Was it to break the enchantment or an entirely different reason? Merlin's head indeed moved but his kiss did not fall upon her lips but upon her neck.

He laid a gentle kiss to her neck before standing and walking out of the chambers without another word. She promptly fell into a deep sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

She did not know how long she'd lain in the linens, staring at the canopy above merely relaying Merlin's kiss upon her neck in her mind. It wasn't something she had expected but she wallowed in a state of rightness. And that is what she was afraid of.

It wasn't right; Merlin was her master, her mentor…He was not a lover. He was not _her _lover.

Was he with Rosalie now? Is Rosalie's tale true? She felt sick but she did not know why, Merlin was not hers to covet! He was free to bed whomever he pleased. Just not _her!_ She was enchanting him that was why he was drawn to her…But why?

She now knew how to stop Rosalie's spell but she did not know how to begin. Physical touch weakened it, therefore she must touch Merlin…But in what way? Would she have to…Bed him? A rush of excitement and dread ran through her veins; would she want to?

Or would it take something much simpler? Mayhap a kiss?

Would Merlin allow her to kiss him? Would it end at a kiss or would it lead to more? She pulled the furs over herself more tightly and closed her eyes but unbidden, images of Merlin and Rosalie came to mind. She could see his hands all over her, on the blonde woman's breasts, his lips upon hers, a sudden movement of Rosalie's hips and she was now atop Merlin…

Morgana's eyes flew open; gods her powers had found a new way to torture her…

She angrily wiped a stray tear from her cheek but before she could stop herself, she was weeping into the linens. She no longer knew her own mind; she did not know what she wanted anymore! Only a few weeks past she made Merlin swore that he could not take her…But now she wished more than anything else that he were here with her; holding her, telling her everything would be fine.

She would do whatever it took to rid Camelot of Rosalie…To keep Merlin from the witch…

Whatever it took.

Xoxox

He liked to come here to think, sit before the roaring fire as its flames feasted upon the logs. He had not even touched the wine within the goblet he held. Here was the only place of complete solitude he had; Morgana could often be found in his chamber – which he did not mind in the slightest – Rosalie too these days, but his study…The place where everyone was forbidden to step foot in, there was too much magic in here…To much that men did not understand.

It resembled somewhat his mind.

But the issue plaguing him was his own apprentice; Morgana. There was something wrong with her recently, he was no blind fool, he was aware of the blatant dislike between Morgana and Rosalie but he'd merely assumed it was feminine rivalry but now he was beginning to believe there was something _more _to this tale, something he was not aware of.

And he did not like it. He was the greatest sorcerer to ever live, the man who can control dragons and yet two women had him more baffled than he'd ever been in been in his entire life! And by now he should be giving into age, turning grey…With her…

No, now was not the time to think upon the past.

"I have always believed council meetings to be the worst part of ruling this kingdom", he was snapped violently from his memories of a blue eyed, black haired woman to see his King. Normal men would have jumped to their feet to bow before their King but Merlin remained seated.

He bowed to no one.

"Forgive my earlier rudeness sire for walking out without your leave." He muttered, simply because he had too. Arthur did not care; he could see the amusement dancing in his blue eyes as he sat opposite Merlin. He could not help the surge of anger that Arthur would come _here,_ he knew no one was to enter his study and yet here he was.

"I do not see why you keep this room hidden Merlin…It seems no different than the library." Arthur shrugged looking unimpressed.

"The library is where bored noble wives go to read tales of romance they'll never experience." Merlin muttered, he was uncomfortable that Arthur had stolen his solitude.

"It must be truly exhausting Merlin, to have two beautiful woman, hanging upon your every word. Battling for your attention." Arthur smirked behind the wine goblets, he shook his head at Arthur's attempt at a jest but Arthur continued speaking.

"You must be bedding at least one of them Merlin, tell me, which one?" He gulped the thick liquid within his goblet and revelled at the slight burning sensation it created in his throat.

"I bedded Rosalie once." He admitted but he did not admit to his King, how incredibly guilty he felt about it, he had thought that he could…Transfer his lust for Morgana to Rosalie. But it felt wrong, every movement, every moan…It was not right. It was not right because he'd imagined it was Morgana beneath him, not Rosalie. He'd used his magic to see Morgana rather than Rosalie.

And now he felt as if he'd committed a vile transgression against Morgana by being with Rosalie for a night. He hates himself but he is a man! He has _needs _that must be sated for the love of the Gods! He should not have to feel guilty about sleeping with an attractive woman! Morgana did not want him; she had made that obvious by making him swear that pledge…And even if she did, it could not happen.

He was Merlin Emrys and he would be dammed if he let his feelings for Morgana stop him from doing what he pleased!

But…He did not blame Morgana for this, he could not stop loving her, he loved her with everything he had but he had to keep it to himself…For her and for Nimueh. He had gone too far with the kiss to her neck and he had known it the moment his lips touched her flesh. But the trouble was, he could not help himself around her.

But although it would be so_ easy _he would not break his pledge to Morgana, he valued her too much.

Perhaps he should take Rosalie as his official mistress? He was completely drawn to her by…Something…It was perfectly in his rights to do this, so why did he feel so guilty for even considering it?

"Gods…You are a lucky man Merlin. Well perhaps now it will be known that you have no claim upon Morgana, it will be known that Morgana is a single woman. I know many of my knights have been desperate for a night with her." Arthur shrugged as if his knights were worthy of Morgana! His hands gripped his goblet so tightly he feared it would shatter.

"If one of your knights goes near her, I will behead them myself Arthur." He growled before standing and walking from the room, he did not even care that Arthur was alone in his study.

Images of Morgana bedding men like Sir Gwaine, Sir Leon, and Sir Percival were invading his mind. He was angry…So angry…

This would not be allowed to happen, he stormed through the doors to his bedchamber and allowed it to swing shut behind him.

It was better for Camelot if he did not come face to face with the knights tonight.

Xoxox

"Now just relax Morgana…Let your magic move freely within you." She had so much power within her, power that one day could rival his own. But if she were to lose control then she could severely hurt someone, even herself.

This was why he was undertaking the task of teaching this woman the art of meditation; he prayed this would teach her discipline. And it was known to help seers bring out their visions. He watched as she lost herself in her powers, even now in this moment she was breath taking. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, moving slightly in the summer breeze, her skin as pale and ivory as usual and she was clad in a gown which revealed her shoulders to him.

She'd receive a vision soon enough and it would most likely be a shock to her mind so be braced himself to soothe her.

But then her body began to shake, he moved and grabbed her wrists, this was not a normal vision; it was too powerful. She could not lose herself in this; it would be the end of her. He used her wrists to haul her to feet, her eyes remained closed.

"Come back Morgana…Come on…" He shook her gently and then her green eyes snapped open violently.

"I saw her! Merlin…" She began but he did not allow her to finish speaking.

"Hush Morgana…It was just a vision, not a prophecy! There is no need to fear it." He attempted to sooth her but she shook her head frantically and looked close to tears.

"It's Rosalie! She's going to kill you!" She cried out, still shaking. The morning dawn was making her look like an angel…An angel held in the clutches of the devil…

He squeezed her wrists gently to attempt to calm her, "Morgana…It was your first full on experience with your visions! It most likely wasn't real! I promise! Rosalie would not hurt me!" He tried again but she would not be calmed. If Rosalie had wanted to harm him, she'd had ample chance last night…He'd bedded her rather roughly, desperate to forget his feelings for Morgana, even for a limited time.

Why was Morgana so determined to see evil in Rosalie?

"Why won't you believe me?" Her sweet voice was so thick…Thick with tears. He felt his heart break slightly knowing he was the cause now, not her vision. He hates seeing her like this, so upset and stressed. Suddenly a strange understanding dawned upon her face. But it was followed by a wave of sheer hurt upon her face as she pulled her wrists from his hands.

"Oh gods…Oh Gods its true!" She looked ill, like she was about to retch…What was going on within that head of hers? "You slept with her didn't you?" She shouted and Merlin did not know what to say. How did she know? He'd wanted to tell himself…Who told her? Arthur? Rosalie?

Oh gods…

"Yes. It's true..." He eyed her, trying to see how she would react to this, her eyes closed and she shook her head. When she opened her eyes to look at him he stepped forward desperately but she stepped away from him.

There was something he was burning to ask; something he had to know.

"Why does this bother you so much?"

She looked through her long eyelashes at him for a few moments before she spoke again. "You really cannot see can you?"

What the hell was she referring too?

He moves towards her slowly, and this time she does not move away. What does she mean?

"I have been trying to show you all this time…" She speaks again, maybe…Could it be that she is about to confess feelings for him? Could he control himself if she did? They were inches away from each other; her back was pressed against the cold of the stone wall. He could feel their breaths mingling together. The air had shifted, from anger to lust in just a few short moments. His body was reacting to her closeness, it did not take a lot to rouse a man and this was definitely working. And he was desperate to show her.

Suddenly Morgana grabbed the front of his tunic and whispered "please Merlin…Please listen to me…She's wearing a necklace to enchant you…I don't know why you can't see it…"

Oh.

He should have known. Of course she was talking about Rosalie; he had foolishly allowed his feelings to cloud his judgement. He felt like such a fool! He shook his head through the heartbreak coursing through him; he couldn't allow her to see that.

He steps back away from her, he needed space…He needed to be separated from her…She didn't care about him like that…

"Merlin please! I'm begging you!" She cried and he noticed a tear fall from her eye, he moved to wipe it from her cheek. Before sighing.

"Morgana you have no idea what you're doing to be right now…" He was completely torn between the strong lust within him, and the overwhelming anger at Rosalie for telling Morgana about their trysts. Morgana looked up at him, blue met green, and he felt himself leaning into her slightly when her green eyes flashed into the magical gold.

"She's coming here…Merlin you have to break the spell…But I need you to help me?" He opened his mouth to tell her, there was no enchantment to break but her eyes pleaded with him. With a sigh he decided he would indulge her, just to prove he was right. He nodded his agreement and she offered him a watery smile in return.

"The necklace she wears, have you seen it glow at all?"

He had never seen Rosalie's necklace glow and he had spent a lot of time with the woman, if Morgana was right, then surely he would have noticed it? Although if it was an enchantment he would not be able to see it lest he became suspicious… But if Rosalie had magic then he would have sensed it! Their magics would have connected when they bedded…

He looked down into Morgana's eyes and willed himself to believe her, he opened his mouth to speak but Morgana's hand suddenly grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down into a hot wet kiss. The overwhelming rightness took over him and did not allow him to think, to remember consequences…After a few moments she was pressed completely against the stone wall and they were grinding into each other when he ripped his lips from hers.

"What are you doing?" He panted, Gods he wanted her…He wanted her right now.

"Curing you." Her lips were swollen from his kiss and he captured her lips once more, more roughly this time. She kissed him back just as desperately, her hips shimmied against his and he almost came in his breeches right then. He pushed against her harder, more desperately. Her moans were filling the air; he needed to hear more from her. He grinded his hardness into her and began kissing her neck.

"Oh Merlin!" She gasped as he cupped her breasts through her gown.

"That's it Morgana…Come for me." He whispered hotly into her ear, she was obviously close; she was whimpering and moaning his name. Just a little more and he'd climax against her too...

Then the chamber door burst open so powerfully it swung off of its hinges and came flying towards them. He pushed Morgana against the wall again and shielded her body with his own. When he deemed it safe he released Morgana, he could see the sheer frustration upon her face, the same he too was suffering but the door had been like a bucket of ice water upon him. What was he thinking!? If things had continued…How could he have been so stupid?

He rounded the corner to see a furious Rosalie standing where his door once stood. He noticed the gem within her necklace was cracked and broken and now he could _feel _the woman's magic. By the Gods Morgana was right!

He raises his arm to knock the woman out with his magic when her eyes flash the colour of magic, gold. And she began to chant.

"Morgause Pendragon shall declare war upon her half-brother Arthur Pendragon and when that time comes Arthur shall fall in Camlann at the hand of his bastard Mordred! And on that day Merlin Emrys you lose everything!" And before either Merlin or Morgana could react Rosalie was gone in a curling wind of smoke.

"Oh my Gods…" Morgana gasped, his hands were shaking.

"It's nothing Morgana…Morgause has been threatening such things since she birthed Mordred…I swear it it's nothing."

"We…We should tell the King!" Morgana whimpered.

"No…We have no proof of anything. We tell them that I sent Rosalie away. Alright?" Morgana's eyes had not left the spot Rosalie once stood, their actions from earlier forgotten entirely in this moment. "Morgana, I promise it is nothing. Morgause feels wronged by apparent transgressions from Arthur and myself and wishes revenge. But it is all words that is all." He tilted her chin up so she looked at him. "This remains between us Morgana, swear it?"

"I swear it." Her voice was shaking, as was her entire body. He pressed a quick kiss to her forehead before pulling away to repair the door.

Morgause had managed to send Rosalie to him, managed to completely enchant him with her and that worried him.

But what worried him more than Morgause's threat and Rosalie's true colours was his lack of control around Morgana…He didn't know how much longer he could resist.


	4. Chapter 4

"Just remember Alvarr is fond of scheming Morgana." Merlin warned her gently, he had not even looked up from the book he was reading. Who was this Alvarr anyway? They were relaxing together in his chambers; things had been…Quiet recently without Rosalie here to cause trouble, almost too quiet for her liking. She knew Merlin was angry, _so angry _that Morgause had managed infiltrate Camelot and his own mind. He and Morgause were true enemies, Guinevere had told her, they'd been friends once – a very long time ago – and then Morgause found herself with child by her half-brother and decided to hate them all. Merlin had told her that Morgause wanted Arthur dead so she could place her son upon the throne of Camelot.

When she'd asked Merlin what he would do if she actually managed to make that ambition come to pass and his reply had proven his hate for Morgause was indeed deep: "I'd burn Camelot and her people to the ground first." She wondered what it actually was that made Merlin hate Morgause so much…Yes she was an enemy of Camelot and a danger to everything he'd given so much to create but such a deep hatred needed an unthinkable transgression committed to grow.

Did Morgause hate Merlin as much as he hated her?

"Why is it we must visit this Alvarr again?" She asked; if Merlin thought this man to be so scheming, then why not stay away?

"Because he is the only person who can tell us anything about the type of gem that whore used on me." Was his reply, that was what he referred to Rosalie as now, the whore or sometimes the word harlot was used. Not that she minded of course…It was just…She could think of more suitable names for the bitch…

"But I should warn you about something Morgana, Alvarr…He's shall get too close and personal with you."

"Then I'll kill him!" She spat, men always thought that because she was a woman they could use her as they willed! Well no, she'd rather die than be used to…to _pleasure_a man against her will. The only man she trusted was Merlin.

His roar of laughter even made her smirk, she liked it when he laughed, he seemed much younger. She didn't know his true age because he never spoke of his never aging curse but she knew he was indeed older than the King – having put Arthur's father upon the throne – but looked younger than Arthur.

"Only after we get the information we need!" He shook his head in amusement before placing his book onto the table and stood and poured two glasses of water. Neither of them had mentioned the…Incident…That had happened between them. Not since Rosalie's parting message. She could still feel him against her, hot and hard against her burning core. She felt arousal heat her veins once more but…She ignored it. He hadn't mentioned it, neither would she – maybe if they didn't bring it up they could pretend it did not happen.

That seemed to be what he was doing.

"We should retire now Morgana; we have a long ride ahead of us tomorrow...One you may not enjoy…" His lips twitched into a smirk; there was something he wasn't telling her! But he didn't allow her to ask because he led her to her own bedchamber. He looked like there was something he desperately wanted to say but he shook his head slightly before bidding her a goodnight.

**Xoxox**

This was ridiculous.

She hadn't even reached the court yard and she was already struggling for breath! She knew Guinevere's designs were lady like to the letter but it was as if the Queen had purposely designed this corseted riding habit just to murder her! The dammed dress was dark green in colour and so tight not only could she barely breathe but it had pushed up her breasts just enough to capture attention; the knights hadn't stopped staring at her since she entered the hallway.

She'd looked at herself in the looking glass before leaving her chamber this morning; she supposed she looked rather…Attractive…Nothing like Rosalie was… Perhaps that was why Merlin hadn't brought up their incident? Gods what if they'd actually continued? What if he'd taken her against that wall like a common whore? Worse still she would have let him!

And would probably still let him…She flushed scarlet and scurried from the knights view lest they tried anything they'd all regret.

She was practically panting by the time she'd actually reached the courtyard where her master was waiting with the horses; he didn't usually enjoy being kept waiting so Morgana was expecting lecture about her lack of time keeping but when he turned to face her – no doubt with a lecture already formed within his head – his eyes widened and trailed to her breasts and she saw his eyes darken…With lust…For her.

Mayhap that reaction will make the discomfort of the riding habit worth it? She believed so.

Merlin managed to drag his eyes from her breasts and turned to her with a smirk. "You're going to have to ride side saddle Morgana."

"What? Why?" She sounded like a spoiled child deprived of a new toy but she did not care; how could she ride side saddle? She'd never done it before!

"Because that's what ladies do." He smiled, he was enjoying this too much for her taste, she wanted to punch – not slap – punch the smirk from his face, like a man would. That would teach him to enjoy her torment…

"I was not raised as a lady if you remember master. I was always taught to ride like a man." Gods she really did not wish to ride side saddle….

"Well then _milady _it is a habit which you must now break."

Oh she'd like to wipe that smug smile from his face…

Still she allowed him to hoist her up onto her horse Devil – a name Merlin had found rather amusing – and she could not help but relish in the rightness of having his hands upon her waist. But it was immediately overpowered by how wrong it felt to be on a side saddle! Inwardly she reprimanded herself because Merlin was her master and she had to rid herself of these frivolous feelings because they were _nothing_.

**Xoxox**

They'd been riding for over an hour and she truly believed she was going to perish soon if she was not freed from this blasted saddle! Whoever created the side saddle must have been truly God fearing and believed woman should be punished for becoming 'the first sinners'.

She'd been complaining almost the entire journey but Merlin's one response to her brattishness was "you are my apprentice Morgana, you'll have to become used to riding side saddle for great lengths." She wondered if he knew he could be entirely infuriating. She doubted it. Although she supposed she had not been in good spirits at all this journey had she?

"I should have been born a man." She broke the silence and Merlin turned to face her as if she'd begun speaking another language. "My brother William and I, were always extremely close as children. We would play at being Knights of Camelot together and we were always treated the same by everyone." Merlin had slowed his horse to ride beside her listening intently. "Then overnight everything changed, William was taught how to handle a sword, to protect the village and I…Well I was taught to how to cook, how to clean and how to make a good wife to someone. And I _hated _William for it."

Her mentor nodded and spoke softly, "you were meant as so much more than to be someone's pretty little wife, cooking and cleaning all day."

"Thank you Merlin." She smiled genuinely, "then one day my magic and visions began and I was named a freak…A monster. And I was sent to Camelot, as well you know." She ended her tale with a small shrug.

"It would have been a sin against the Gods, if you'd been born a man." The warlock spoke as if it were a simple truth. But why on earth would he say such a thing? When she asked he grinned and took her hand into his own. "It would have been a sin to waste such…Beauty…Such allure…On a man." Oh gods, another flush of arousal shot through her at the complement. She began the mantra she'd created since…The Rosalie incident…

Merlin was her master, her mentor; nothing could ever happen between them!

She wasn't even sure she wanted anything to happen between them.

"Your brother William." Merlin began to speak again.

"What of him?"

"I should like to meet him one day. All of your family in fact."

He wished to meet her family? Why?

"Perhaps one day."

Once more they fell into a comfortable silence for at least another half hour before Merlin spoke once more looking almost nervous. The mighty warlock Emrys nervous.

"You will not like Alvarr, Morgana. But I beseech you to grin and bear it…For the sake of the information we need."

And suddenly she was extremely anxious about this trip.

**Xoxox**

When they'd finally arrived at their destination, she could have cried with happiness, although she had to admit, for the powerful sorcerer and successful con – artist his home was humble to say the least. Tiny in fact, smaller than the home she'd grown up in, in the country. It looked almost like a hovel if she was honest, small framed windows peeked out and there was clearly heavy curtains placed cleverly to conceal the inside.

As if this Alvarr was hiding…

Merlin jumped with horse with ease; something she would have been able to accomplish easily if it were not for the heavy skirts that clung to her waist. Merlin moved to help her from Devil and the sparks that flew from his touch into her skin still shocked her, he lifted her easily as if she were weightless but when he put her onto her own feel, she being the ungraceful klutz she was tripped.

She stumbled backwards and would have landed in the mud if not for Merlin's strong hands steadying her back and she flushed once more at his touch, even if it was through her gown. But too quickly he pulled away and strode to the door to the hovel. Gods what were these 'sparks' she was feeling? They were so confusing but…She liked them. And she wanted them to stay.

She was pulled from her thoughts by Merlin's course palm slamming upon the door so hard she almost felt it. She walked towards her master but the door was not opened, perhaps Alvarr wasn't here? Merlin's palm connected with the door again, just as harshly. "Mayhap he's gone?" She tried but the warlock shook his head and moved his face closer to the door.

"Alvarr you bastard you have three seconds to open this door before I rip it from its hinges!" She was shocked once more at how…Powerful he sounded, so commanding. He was always tender around her; there was a large shift between the warlock and her master it seemed. Almost like an internal battle, the two sides of him fighting for dominance. For the first time since meeting her master she began to wonder if the rumours of him being 'son of Satan' were true?

It was a mere moment later when the door swung open to reveal a rather…Handsome…Blonde man leaning against the wooden framework with a smirk. His eyes slowly trailed to her and a singular eyebrow moved up. "Oh Merlin I see you've brought me a gift." And then her stomach twisted nervously, his gaze was so leering she felt herself shrinking away from it. Then he began to move towards her until Merlin stepped forward.

"Keep your filthy hands to yourself Alvarr or you will not like the consequences." His voice was more a growl than anything else, a predatory warning. Gods he was terrifying when he wanted to be. He rather roughly pushed Alvarr into his own home and she followed meekly until she stepped inside.

The home was no hovelish cottage! It was almost as grand as Arthur's own citadel! She could sense the strong magic almost swimming within the air; it was so strong it was almost making her giddy. The home was much larger than the meagre four walls outside revealed! She turned around to see Merlin smirking at her shock, damn, his smug smirk always made her feel like a child. It made her realise just how inexperienced she was with magic and she didn't like that.

"It's a powerful spell he uses." Merlin explained softly as if understanding her inner turmoil, knowing this man he could probably secretly read thoughts too. It would not surprise her in the slightest; it would worry her though what with the thoughts she had about him…

"Well I had to protect myself when Uther threatened to begin a purge because you could not control your woman Merlin, I-" Alvarr began but was soon stopped.

"ENOUGH!" Merlin roared and both she and Alvarr stumbled backwards together, united in fear. She'd never heard him shout with that much anger before; it was as if Alvarr's remark had cut deep. But more over she wondered, who was this woman? And why did Uther Pendragon – who owed his reign to magic – wish to begin a magical purge because of her? What could she have done to cause that?

"I suppose this is no casual visit old friend?" Alvarr asks, still smirking, did he ever stop? She couldn't imagine just constantly walking around smirking all of the time for no reason.

"No. Do you know of a gemstone which possesses the power to control a man?" And Alvarr's smirk grew further…If that was possible…

"Well well Merlin…I _had _heard rumours…But…I never believed that you and Arthur indulged in such things…Together." Oh gods Merlin was going to attack him…He was going to kill him…But then both Merlin and Alvarr did something unexpected. They both roared with laughter before Alvarr walked from the room with an amused shake of his head. That had obviously been a joke they had shared many times together. She sighed with pure relief.

She cannot help the genuine fear of Merlin's temper that she had, she'd always had it. She'd seen many examples of it turning deadly…He'd _never _hurt her though, she knew that. She knew that in her very bones, he'd never do anything to hurt her physically or emotionally. He'd proven that by swearing the pledge.

Alvarr returned a few minutes later holding a very large dust covered book which was also covered in gems, magical ones. All the magic swimming in the air was beginning to make her feel dizzy, Merlin had already warned her of incidents of this; it merely meant her magic was reacting. As soon as the other warlock is beside a table he opens the book so quickly she wondered just how many times he'd read it before.

He turned and points to an illustration of a gem within the book before addressing Merlin once more, he had not spoken to her since he'd thought she was for him…Which did make her wonder why the hell he would believe that…Surely Merlin had not brought woman to this man before merely for his _enjoyment_? He would never…

But then Merlin gestured for her to come look at the image of the gem, and she slowly walked towards the men; they move watched her move carefully. The room was completely silent save for the _click _of the ladylike heels of her boots on the hard floor. She finally glances down at the image but it was hard to tell if it was the same as Rosalie's, it bore a resemblance but she had never seen the gem too clearly. Rosalie had been careful about hiding it beneath her gown.

_Where Merlin seen plenty… _An errant thought almost made her gasp; she couldn't think about Merlin and Rosalie's trysts…It hurt too much, even if she didn't know why. Looking at the words written beside the image she silently thanked the Gods that her father had taught her to read. "_A gem which can control a__ man's desires without him knowing. It can make the holder the object of their lust." _That sounded like Rosalie's spell she supposed; she could hear someone moving behind her but she merely assumed it was Merlin.

Her assumption was wrong, she realised this when one of Alvarr's hand's grabbed her around the waist whilst the other roughly grabbed her breast. She yelped and tried to pry herself away from his invasive touch, how dare he! She'd kill him! She was freed when Merlin grabbed him by the collar of his tunic, and slammed him against the wall. It was then she noticed her master's eyes were entirely golden, a sign of his magic.

"I warned you to keep your hands from her!" He growled and Alvarr laughed. The man laughed in the face of the most powerful – and temperamental – man in the world!

"Why do you care so much Emrys? Is she the latest mistress?"

Latest? How many had there been?

"She is my apprentice and you shall treat her with the respect entitled!" Merlin hissed, he was positively seething. Then he allowed Alvarr's body to fall to the ground as if he were nothing. Instead he turned to her, possessively pulling her by the arm a few steps from Alvarr. "Are you alright? He didn't hurt you?" There it was; the switch. The instant change from deadly and powerful to caring and tender. It made no sense how he could do it so effortlessly.

Alvarr stood now, fully recovered, his eyes still roaming her body but she felt safer behind Merlin.

"Oh Merlin, could you not be gracious enough to spare me even an hour with her?" Then he used his magic to change positions so that he was not behind her holding her by the throat, squeezing the life from her lungs. "I'll make sure she enjoys it I promise." They were moving backwards to somewhere, her every instinct was screaming use her magic although Merlin had warned her against it, it was too raw and too powerful. She could hurt herself in the process. But she tried anyway, she felt the magic within her rise but then it all failed as Alvarr's hold tightened.

"Let her go Alvarr." Merlin growled, he seemed frozen to the spot but she could read his eyes, they were deadly. She was beginning to lose vision.

"I will, right after I've finished with her Merlin, please make yourself comfortable whilst you wait." Then she heard a chant, words she did not recognise then she suddenly the pressure on her throat was gone, air flooded her lungs like a dam and she coughed desperately. Merlin was by her side immediately and she threw her arms around his neck, desperate for the comfort only he could give to her. "It's alright Morgana, he's gone." She pulled back to meet his eyes, she had wanted to ask what he meant by gone but she was distracted by him. Slowly his head leaned towards hers, she leaned up towards it. And then their lips connected in a soft, sensual kiss. His fingers fisted inside her hair as it deepened and became desperate.

But then he pulled away.

She almost begged him for more. Almost.

"You were hurt and upset and you needed comfort." He whispered as if explaining his actions, but she was not sure if the explanation was to her or to himself. She didn't know which worried her more. Gently he helped her to stand and that's when she saw him. Alvarr lying lifeless on the ground.

Merlin had killed him.

For her.

"Oh Gods…" She whispered and turned to face Merlin but he was gone. He was leaving? He expected them to just leave his body there without any kind of a burial? She ran from the deceased man's home as quickly as her skirts would allow. "Should we not give him a burial my Lord?" Merlin had his back to her and did not turn to face her as he spoke. It was then she noticed him strapping Alvarr's book to part of his saddle. She supposed they would need it but…It just did not seem right, thieving from a dead man's home. She knew Merlin was ruthless but at every new example she was always shocked.

"No." His tone was so…Emotionless. She'd never heard him sound like that before, so unMerlin. She was seeing too much of the other side of her master today and she did not like it.

"We cannot leave him here to rot! Merlin every man deserves a burial!" Then her master spun around and grabbed her roughly, not enough to hurt her, just enough to keep her within his grip should she try to pull away. "If I had not acted he would have raped you Morgana! Then knowing that man's past he probably would have murdered you so that he could live with the satisfaction that he was the only one to ever have had you!" She had not thought of that, he seemed so relieved that she was safe. His hands moved up her arms softly, over her collarbones to cup her face.

"It was either him or you Morgana. And it will always be you." She just nodded, unable to even contemplate the meanings behind his words, could there be a thinly veiled reference to deeper feelings beneath his words or was she merely hearing what she wanted to hear?

"Who was she?" The words left her mouth before she'd thought out her question, it was burning her, the need to know who the woman Uther Pendragon almost began a magical purge over, the woman Alvarr had referred to as Merlin's 'woman'. Merlin's arms trail back to her arms and he sighed clearly wishing to avoid the question of his past; he rarely spoke of his past.

"Who?"

"You know who Merlin. The woman Uther almost began a purge over." Merlin shook his head softly then nodded before leading her to a small log and they both sat as Merlin began his tale.

"Her name was Nimueh."

**Xoxox**

_**Heyy! Sorry this is taken so long, (first author's note of this story :o ). Anyway, from here on out the official plot for this fic has begun! DUN DUN DUUUUNNN. Morgana's well on her way to realising her feelings for Merlin isn't she? **_

_**I've decided that the official song for this fic is "Never let me go" by the wonderful Florence and the Machine; if you listen to that song you MAY be able to figure out some of the plot…Please listen to it and PM me your ideas? I'd love that! **_

_**Please leave me a review, it only takes seconds whilst writing this chapter (between exams -_- ) has taken weeks and seriously exhausted me!**_

_**Next up: the story of Merlin and Nimueh!**_

_**See you then! **_


	5. Chapter 5

**Just a quick A/N****,**** anything written in bold is Merlin speaking to Morgana! **** Enjoy!**

He had just had the most wonderful dream, but his reality was even more wonderful. He moved slightly closer to the warm head still sleeping beside him and simply breathed in her scent, so exotic the smell of jasmine…The black haired beauty beside him was beginning to stir from her sleep; he smiled as her blue eyes opened slightly to meet his own blue orbs, moments like these were so surreal, so peaceful compared to the hectic lifestyle he lived. He lived for these moments.

He was completely irrevocably in love with the woman beside him. He doubted anything would change that. Ever.

"I love you too Merlin." He heard her whisper sleepily, at first he'd been terrified of their shared thoughts, found it intrusive and overpowering but now…Well now it was simply another means of communication between them, sometimes they even shared dreams. Which was useful as she was a seer. He smiled and used his hand to place pressure upon her shoulder so she'd face him, then captured her lips with his own, sweetly.

But of course things never did stay sweet between them for long, and soon the kiss was deeper and more desperate; their hands began exploring the other's bodies, silencing each other's gasps with kisses. Then he was inside of her and she was moaning his name. Gods he would never tire of Nimueh…No matter how many times they made love. Which was every night, morning and spare moment between. As they both reached the edge their movements grew more erratic, harder…He buried his head into her neck as his eyes closed in ecstasy.

"Oh Gods Merlin!" Nimueh moaned his name and he growled as he followed her into that sweet release. He wasn't the only man she'd ever bedded in her life time, he was aware of that…She was not his only either, he'd had a brief affair with the Lady of the Lake, Freya both before and after she became what she is. He'd only been a mere slip of a lad at the time, still struggling with his powers and the inner turmoil between dark and light magic. Freya had been innocent and virginal…And he'd ruined that. Not that she had minded…

He never spoke of Freya in front of Nimueh; his love was prone to jealous fits…Another quality he adored. But what he and Freya had hadn't been love like it was he and Nimueh shared, Freya and himself were young, caught in a wave of passion and lust. No more no less.

The romantic, sensual mood was broken immediately by a knock upon their door. That would be the reality of Camelot come to remind them they had other priorities to attend to…That didn't mean he _wanted _to though.

"Ignore it..." He breathed into her ear and she smiled, obviously tempted before she shook her head and pushed him from her gently.

"Reality is waiting for us."

"Surely it can wait a little longer…"

_I shall make it up to you tonight my love._

Was her reply into his mind and he used their connection to tell her _exactly _how he wanted her to make it up to him.

Alas she ignored him and instead used her magic to dress quickly in her light blue gown with the golden belt around her slim waist. He remained in their bed, naked and stubborn. As Nimueh disappeared to open the door to see who had interrupted their quiet bliss. If it had been up to him, they would have been wed a long time ago but Nimueh had been adamant that no matter how much she loved him, she did not believe in the ties of marriage.

He could hear Nimueh conversing with someone but still he did not move; he was surrounded with a feeling that they should stay locked within their chambers that day. After a few minutes of the conversation Nimueh returned into their bed chamber looking worried, and paler than usual, which meant there was indeed something to be worried about. Quickly he rose from the bed and pulled a pair of breeches and a tunic on and followed her to the door.

To be faced with Uther's Queen. Yigraine.

The blonde lady was almost as white as his own skin, her eyes told anyone willing to read then that she'd been weeping…And she had clearly been having trouble sleeping too. Although none of that was surprising given what she had recently been through. But none of that explained what her reasons were for standing at his door.

"Yigraine wishes us to help her conceive the King's child once more." Nimueh explained and he could not help the gasp that escaped his lips…Even _he _was wary of magic surrounding fertility. He was more powerful than any other man…And even he could not control the outcome of spells like those; the high death rate was too much of a risk.

But before he could inform his Queen of the outcome of this spell she interrupted him, sounding hysterical. "Ever since my husband was informed that my daughter Morgause was not of his seed…And…And she was taken from me…" The blonde Queen's eyes flooded at the memories of her child, cruelly ripped from the royal nursery and never to be seen again. Yigraine was lucky Uther had not had her beheaded for the crime of adultery…He was not a forgiving man…But even he could see that condemning Yigraine to forever live without her daughter was a far crueller punishment. Even the five year old Prince Arthur could not console her.

"I…I just need a replacement…Or I shall go mad…Please…"She did not sound like a regal Queen in that moment, "I beg both of you. And my Arthur…He's been asking of his sister, he doesn't understand where the baby has gone…" Within her eyes was a desperation, so strong it was almost maddening…He truly believed Yigraine would lose her mind if this continued. But that did not mean he wanted to cast this spell…He didn't wish his head to be stuck from his body.

"Since your affair was revealed, has Uther visited your bed?" His eyes closed themselves immediately at his loves lack of tact….The Queen however seemed unfazed by the personal question, and shook her head.

"No…I was wondering…Hoping…" She stopped herself and lowered her eyes self-consciously. It was strange to remember the strong, confident woman who had once ruled over Camelot at Uther's side; but ever since her liaisons with Gorlois were revealed and the man beheaded….She'd become meek and unsure of herself.

"That we'd use our magic to make Uther bed you, so that you will conceive?" He finished for the woman; this favour was becoming more life threatening by the minute. He did not like it. Although he was surprised Uther had not been bedding his Queen, Yigraine was a beautiful woman with her blonde hair and bright blue eyes which she had passed onto Camelot's little Prince, Arthur. So beautiful but so fragile…Like the white swan.

His eyes instinctively trailed to Nimueh to see that she was actually thinking about this…He supressed the need to groan. Nimueh and Yigraine were good friends, had always been since childhood. His love would do _anything _to see her friend happy once more, and although he understood, he too would like to see the lady smile once more, but they _could not _perform this ritual.

"Nimueh we cannot do this. The risk is too much, the price too high…Can't you see that? Some pains must be carried no matter the hurt." He wanted this conversation to end; every word spoken was treason against Uther. But of course Nimueh was as stubborn as a mule on matters such as these and turned to look up into his eyes, "don't _you _see Merlin? Camelot needs another Prince…Not just the bastards Uther gets on the whores in his harem." She spat, Nimueh _hated _the tradition of mistresses, harems, she hated that men took precedence in this world.

She leaned up and placed a gently kiss upon his lips, eyes slightly begging him to give her this; to allow her to do this for her friend. "It is for the good of Camelot, and it's Queen."

"But..."

"Merlin our powers together shall not fail! You know that!" She was desperate, that was clear but there was too high a risk…He desperately wanted to make her happy…And she would never forgive him if he refused or Gods forbid even attempt the spell herself…Yes that sounded like something she would do.

For her he would do this. He pulled her into his arms and placed a kiss upon her crown. Not for Yigraine, not for Uther, not even for Camelot. But for Nimueh. His arms tangled themselves around her small waist and he turned to address the Queen.

"We will do this for you your Majesty but know this Yigraine; despite Nimueh's confidence, this may kill you. I beg of you to heed my warning." That was all he could do…The Queen was aware of the possible consequences of her actions yet she still wished to proceed. If she died, it would not be on his conscience.

He watched tears fall down the Queen's pretty face, tears of joy and actually found himself smiling back towards her as she thanked them so enthusiastically one would think they had just saved her life...But in reality they may be taking it.

As soon as the door closed his darker powers began to claw at his mind, begging to be released, to be _used. _Nimueh had kneeled upon the floor for almost an hour, whispering everything and anything until he finally became himself once more. "Thank you." He'd whispered hoarsely when it was over. But they did not move, instead they fell into silence for another stretch of time until Nimueh spoke again.

"When you were named the fatherless child and taken to Vortigen…Those were the darkest days of my life…Knowing that you were being beaten and tortured and all the while having the power to stop it but not using it…It broke my heart piece by piece every day. I feared that if I ever saw you again…There would be nothing left of it to offer you any longer." She lowered her eyes to her fingers which were nervously fiddling with the edge of his tunic. He gently took both of her wrists into his hands, willing her to be happy. That's all he had ever wanted to do, make her happy – even when she was just his mentor in magic and had shown no interest in him romantically.

"When I was Vortigen's prisoner…You were all I thought of, day and night. You will never be able to fathom how much I had wanted to use my magic to escape and come home to you but…It was my destiny to be there, to place Uther upon his throne. And as for your heart sweet Nimueh, I don't listen to the courtiers idle conversations so I do not possess their skills in flattery but your heart would never disappear, it is too good, too pure."

No more words were said as he held her whilst she wept.

Xoxox

It had been a few days since he and Nimueh had agreed to help Yigraine now they were all within the extra bedchamber within his own chambers…He wondered if it would ever be used for anything, since Nimueh would be sharing his bed…The thought of a child had come to mind but that was too painful a subject since everyone knew Nimueh was barren. That was the reason she wished to see Yigraine birth another child he believed.

"I know I have already asked much of you both but…I have another request. I wish with all my heart that we would keep these matters privy to only ourselves. That no one, especially my husband ever find out?" Yigraine asked, another life threatening request.

This time it was Nimueh who was reluctant to grant the Queen her desire, although he could not blame her.

"Keeping this from the King is treason Yigraine…It would me Merlin and I's heads stuck off and placed onto pikes not yours." He was surprised that Nimueh was hesitant, but although he agreed with her…He did not believe for even a moment that Uther would allow such a spell to be cast upon him; the man would find it emasculating.

"I know that…I do but my husband would never allow it! He may owe his very reign to magic, he does not condone magic being used upon him, you know that!" Yigraine had quickly morphed into the hysterical creature she had become the previous night. Nimueh's face turned to meet his own, pleading with him silently. And he nodded his agreement to the Queen.

**Without realising it, they had sealed both Yigraine and Nimueh's fates that day. **

Xoxox

**The spell had been cast, the Queen was with child and the court was merry. Everything was perfect until one morning Nimueh began to regret their agreement with the Queen. **

"I don't know why Merlin! I…It's merely a feeling…A sense…Something is wrong." She attempted to explain but he still did not understand why this sense had suddenly come upon her.

"Did you have a vision Nimueh? Is that the cause of your worry?" He attempted to soothe her but she pushed his arms from her and began pacing the length of the chambers lost within a wave of stress and panic. He could almost see her begin a decent into madness…So lost in her worry she could easily begin to lose her hold on reality.

"It's a sense or an instinct that something is going to happen Merlin." She stopped and whispered the sentence; she looked so vulnerable in that moment he crossed the room in a few quick strides and pulled her into his arms. He hated to see her in such a state. "Do you have any inkling as to what?" He was desperate to find out what it was that was worrying her and find a way to prevent it.

"The Queen's pregnancy!" Her hands fisted a part of his tunic each.

Oh.

"I can feel the magic coming from the child…I'm worried that it will stay. That the child will be a sorcerer! Uther will know immediately that we did something if his child is capable to magic!" His hands curled around her wrists and wrenched them from his tunic.

"Hush Nimueh my sweet, the Queen is due to birth her child any day now. Then all will be well. And if Uther's child is born with magic we shall tell him that it is common!" He tried but Nimueh shook her head and her eyes spoke volumes of the fear thriving inside of her. "What if something goes wrong whilst she is in labour? The Gods know how many times that happens without magic being involved!"

There was every chance that Nimueh was right; woman died every day birthing heirs, but with magic involved…He had warned Yigraine that this may kill her, but they had not thought of Uther's reaction to his Queen's death. Nimueh's senses were always right…

_Uther will kill us both._ Came her voice inside his mind, telling him the words she was too afraid to speak out loud.

"I'll kill him first." He whispered and it was the truth. He would not let anything hurt her. She pulled back, shock clear upon her face.

"You would murder Uther…After everything you suffered to put him upon his throne?" As if to provide evidence to his past suffering, her hand softly trailed the scars that marred his back…The scars that lasted the entire length of his back. The ones he received from the numerous whippings he had received from Vortigen's torturer.

"I would do _anything _to keep you safe." He spoke passionately. Everything was always passionate between them, when he had returned from Vortigen's _care_ he had been barely alive, his magic preserving him. Nimueh had taken care of him, and when he was in better health confessed her love of him. And he had loved her from almost the moment he met her.

The door knocked loudly and Nimueh physically jumped from his arms, he pushed her behind his back as he slowly walked towards their chamber door and swung it open. Standing there was a small pageboy who sent him an honest smile before speaking. "Milord, Milady. It is the Queen!" Nimueh pushed past him to see the boy clearer.

"What of her?"

"The babe is coming!" Merlin could hear the excitement within the young lad's voice and sent him a smile in return before he handed the boy a small purse of gold. He was always generous with servants and money…He knew what it was to have very little. The boy's eyes lit with so much excitement Merlin believed the boy was going to hug him for a moment.

"Thank you!" Then the boy ran off down the hallway.

"Soon our fates shall be decided my love Nimueh muttered as he closed the door."

Xoxox

Two days. Two days Yigraine had been in labour. Nimueh had gone between their chambers and the birthing chamber constantly. Uther's court physician Gaius believed that the Queen may die if the child was not delivered soon. Nimueh had become a nervous wreck; she barely slept at night and could not bring herself to eat.

Eventually her fright began to sink its teeth into him too. And at night he dreamt of his own execution, so much that he could almost feel the cold steel against the exposed skin of his neck, or the flames licking at his skin, sending him back to hell.

The sound of the door knocking broke the tense silence of the room, Merlin rose to open it, and was faced with the same pageboy as before, only this time…He looked grave. "The King wishes to see Lady Nimueh in his chamber. She is to come immediately and alone." He heard Nimueh rise from her chair and he turned to watch her approach the door.

"Inform the King that I shall be along shortly." She nodded curtly at the boy before closing the door and immediately all calmness of the room disappeared.

"What does he know?" Nimueh sobbed, "why does he want to see me?"

"Nothing Nimueh! He knows nothing! He will just wish to share the news of his newest heir! That's all!"

"If that were true then the bells would be tolling! You know that!"

She was right; he did not wish or her to go alone, not to Uther.

"I must go." She muttered and kissed him gently before walking out of the door and toward the royal chambers. And all he could do was wait.

**He had been alone within the chamber for only fifteen minutes when an overwhelming sense of dread and urgency fell upon him and he ran from the chamber as if it were aflame. **

When he reached the royal apartments the wide oak door had been blown from its hinges; he ran inside the large rooms but stopped and froze when his eyes took in the scene around him. First of all he noticed Uther…Holding his sword…Which was covered in blood…Then his Nimueh falling to the ground…A pool of blood around her.

Without a second thought his magic stuck out towards the King and knocked him from consciousness; his only thought was for Nimueh, on the cold floor bleeding. He immediately fell to his knees at her side, eyes already stinging with grief.

"Let me heal you…" He tried and Nimueh smiled at him before shaking her head; his hands moved to her wound but her little ones stopped him.

"No…Merlin…You know the rule…To save a live there must be a death…The balance of the world must be restored. It is too late anyway." Her voice was beginning to grow weaker…This _could not _be happening! He'd promised to protect her! He leaned his forehead against hers and took a shaky breath.

"I have to do something to help you Nimueh." He was struggling not to scream. She couldn't die…How could he live without her? He was aware that his voice sounded childish and feeble but he could not have cared less in that moment. She had to live…

"Just…Just…Please just hold me Merlin." She whimpered pathetically, his whole body was shaking with sobs. His strong Nimueh…His mentor…The woman he considered his wife…Uther did this to her. That man would not live to see another day, he'd make sure of it. Just as his dark thoughts began to take over Nimueh's eyes flashed gold, his head shook in confusion.

"What did you do? Nimueh, what did you do?"

"I…I…I cursed you." His mind reeled, she had cursed him? Cursed him with what? "You shall not age Merlin, not beyond this day. Not until you find someone you love, who loves you wholeheartedly. Someone you can share yourself with. I want you to be happy Merlin…And this is the only way I can be sure you will."

He wouldn't age…No!

Her hand traced his jaw gently and then her eyes began to dull…No…And her hand fell limp.

NO.

"Nimueh…Nimueh?" He begged but those blue eyes did not open.

He roared his anger and heartbreak…Nimueh was dead. She was gone, he'd never hear her laugh, her voice, never hold her…He screamed every healing spell, every resurrection spell he knew of, dark and light, but nothing worked. He even begged her to come back, prayed to the Gods, he tried _everything_ he knew but nothing brought her back to him.

He had never felt so alone in all his years.

Xoxox

Tears fell down Morgana's sweet face as she listened to his tale, there were tears in his eyes too as he recounted it. It had been so long since he had spoken of Nimueh, Arthur occasionally spoke of her, he remembered her as somewhat of a playmate. It felt right to speak of her; she had haunted his mind for _so long, _it felt right to share his memories of her.

"Come now Morgana don't weep for me." He smiled sadly at his apprentice.

"What about Uther…What did you do?" She whispered slowly, almost fearfully. And Merlin allowed the memories of his final encounter with Uther wash over his mind he couldn't help the smirk that grew upon his face.

"I killed him."

He heard Morgana gasp beside him but he was re-living it all, the look of fear upon Uther's face…How _good _it had felt to allow his darkness total control over himself. "Does…Does Arthur know?" Morgana asked.

"Does Arthur know that I murdered his beloved father in the most painful ways dark magic allows? No." Merlin muttered, his deadly smirk still upon his face. Morgana gasped again, this time fearfully, and he turned his face to see she was indeed frightened. Of him.

The revelation sickened him immensely and he moved closer toward her and spoke again, "the rumours of Uther beginning a purge were not true. He did not have enough time to even conceive of the idea. I do not know where the origins of the rumour come from." Morgana nodded, seeming satisfied and then she looked up at him once more.

"So you truly were beaten and tortured by Vortigen's men?" She whispered and he closed his eyes at the memories.

"Yes." He managed through gritted teeth; he could almost feel the whippings once more…

"Will you show me?" He snapped his eyes open and looked at her, show her what? She seemed to understand his confusion and spoke softly once more. "Your scars Merlin...You don't have to if you don't wish to…I just…" She trailed off as Merlin smiled. Slowly he pulled the small brown jacket from his arms then slowly turned his back to her. It had taken him a long time to be able to show Nimueh his scars. He had been so scared that they would repulse her…

Now he allowed Morgana to slowly lift the material of his tunic higher, exposing his scarred flesh inch by inch. He closed his eyes as he felt her fingers slide gently over them…"Oh Gods Merlin…" She gasped. Then he felt something that he had not expected; Morgana's lips against the marred skin of his back. Kissing over the marks as if trying to heal them with her lips.

"You are the bravest man I know Merlin…" She whispered when she pulled back, the feeling of her lips upon his skin had left him a shaking mess. When he had readjusted himself and thrown the jacket he wore back on they began speaking once more.

"I think we should begin our journey back, it will be dark soon." She nodded her agreement before standing and walking toward the horses, her hips swung unintentionally as she walked. Gods it was so hard to resist her. But he had too. And she was growing more powerful by the day; soon she would know all he could teach her and she would leave to begin her own life somewhere, somewhere without him.

She could never love him anyway, because she was the light and he was the darkness. And even if she did love him, she would be hurt, emotionally, physically and mentally.

And he would not allow that to happen.

He had failed to protect Nimueh; he would not fail Morgana.

Then she turned back to him, another question upon her lips as he walked towards her.

"What happened to the Queen's child?"

"I took it from the citadel; I could feel the magic from it just as Nimueh had. I took it to a little village to be raised there. It was safer for it that way." He informed her.

"What does Arthur believe happened to it?" She asked as he lifted her onto her saddle again.

"He believes the child died alongside their mother." That was the only part he regretted, the pain it caused Arthur, he was a good man…One who had grown alone, motherless, fatherless whilst ruling an entire country. Every year on the anniversary Arthur mourned the loss of his mother, father and sibling. Everyone believed Uther had taken his own life to be with his Queen. On that date not even Guinevere could lift Arthur's spirits.

Finally they began their ride home when Morgana spoke once more. "Was it male or female?"

"It was a girl."

Xoxox

"And you are sure?" She did not mind the franticness of her voice, she trusted this woman. She had served her well. The woman standing before her had managed to seduce Merlin, gain his trust and would have managed to murder him if not for the man's dammed apprentice.

"Yes milady, it is clear as day. He loves his apprentice…One time when he bedded me, he unknowingly called me by her name…And I believe she returns his feelings wholeheartedly." Rosalie smiled and Morgause felt herself returning it. This was perfect. She rested her arms upon the cold stone armrests of her throne and continued to smile at Rosalie.

"Now we know the war can be won. You have served me well Rosalie and you shall be rewarded for it." She moved to dismiss the young woman from her presence when she began to speak again.

"There is more my lady." Morgause smiled once more. Yes Rosalie was a great ally, perhaps she would reward her by wedding her to Mordred…Yes, Rosalie was a beautiful woman…She was sure Mordred would not mind bedding her for heirs.

"It is your grace! I knew it the moment I set eyes upon her face…I knew from when I helped you scry for her!" Rosalie continued, what was she rambling about?

"What the hell are you speaking of?"

Rosalie smiled at her before she continued to speak, "Merlin's apprentice Morgana…She is the missing child of Uther and your mother Yigraine. Merlin's apprentice is your sister." She rose from her throne in shock…She could not believe this…She had never imagined…

Slowly a smile crept upon her face. This was perfect.

"It seems Emrys has fallen for the tool of his own destruction."

**Xoxox**

**Were you expecting that? Yes? No? Tell me in the reviews! Yup Morgause is not involved too! I did say the plot would properly begin from this chapter on and now it has. What you guys have been reading is the calm before the storm…And what a storm is coming…**

**Did anyone pick up on how I butchered the Arthurian Legend here? Instead of taking Arthur from Camelot to be raised by villagers, I made him take Morgana! And instead of using magic to make Yigraine conceive Arthur, he used magic to make Yigraine conceive Morgana.**

**Also MERLIN AND HIS LOVER USED MAGIC TO MAKE MORGANA! I may have written it but I find it weird! Haha! Especially since he loves Morgana!**

**Please please review; I genuinely had the BIGGEST smile after all of your reviews on the last chapter! Let me know what you think of everything that's happened! Hated it? Let me know! **

**Till next time guys!**

**Gemma x**


	6. Chapter 6

Gods he needed this. He sunk down into the hot water of the bath and allowed a moan to slip through his lips; after the previous few days and all its emotional tales of the past, murders and of course the dammed feast Arthur threw earlier that evening…Or was it the previous day? It was still dark outside…Gods he had consumed too much mead and ale…And wine…Not even his magic could prevent the horror which was surely awaiting come morn.

He felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, the weight that was the tale of Nimueh, he was glad Morgana knew. Arthur did not even know the true story of the woman who was practically an aunt to him. The King of Camelot had lost many people in his life; it was miraculous that he had not gone mad.

He sank deeper into the water, he may have drank more than he should have this night but he was determined to _relax_ for once. Arthur's wife had not attended the feast, if the rumours were to be believed then it seemed Guinevere had been whoring herself to one of Arthur's knights. He already knew which one.

Everyone in Arthur's court knew which one.

Perhaps that's why Arthur had thrown the impromptu feast…To forget.

Though rumours were vicious and often untrue; the rumours that Morgana had become Arthur's mistress came to mind and Merlin almost laughed. Almost. Morgana's name had been used in too much slander – her reputation had been completely tarnished through no fault of her own. Of course she never betrayed the hurt and humiliation all of this caused her but he knew better. They were all aware of what she was called by the people, "The King's whore", "The royal harlot" and of course "The sorcerer's mistress." She deserved so much better.

She pretended that it did not affect her but he had noticed that she rarely ventured into the lower town anymore without him by her side. No one would dare offend her whilst he was present. They would move onto more gossip soon, that is what he had repeated to her every time she was faced with her 'titles'. That was why he devoted time to merely strolling through the markets with her at least once a week.

Things had been different between them lately; she clearly had something bothering her. Something she wished to tell him. As much as he wished to know what troubled Morgana's mind he would not pry; if she wished to tell him, she would.

He began to quickly scrub himself with the square of soap across his body, wishing away the drunken haziness of his vision…Why had he even decided to take a bath? He did not remember…Well he was in it now and he would take advantage of the quiet although he did not lounge within baths, that was Morgana's hobby. He had never regretted a spells existence as much as the water heating spell he had taught her. She lounged in the water for hours.

That had become the bane of his existence, knowing her naked, lush body was merely a wall apart from him…Sometimes he could even hear her soft voice hum softly through the room. The image was making certain parts of his body awaken harshly…

Xoxox

She could not help the small womanish laugh that escaped her throat as she stumbled through the too white hallways of Camelot. Perhaps she had drank too much ale? Well she supposed it was either that, or there were now moving walls…Did she do that?

Bed. She wanted her bed. She wished to be wrapped within the linens and furs…She had taken to sleeping naked within them due to the summer heat…She had decided against telling Merlin this. He'd think she was common…One of the _many _names the people had for her.

"Morgana?" She recognised that voice…

"My Lord." She attempted to form a suitable curtsey as the King approached her, a smirk painted across his features. But the alcohol mixed her lack of lady-like grace made her stumble and the Pendragon King had to catch her…She was sure he had drank as much as she had…Her thought was confirmed when Arthur too stumbled with a chuckle.

"Perhaps we have indulged too much tonight?" He kept a firm grip upon her arm and led her toward the stone seats that were built into the wall…Which were also white…Gods how had she missed how _white _everything was here?

"You…You're just angry that I outdrank you Pendragon!" She hiccupped, yes beating the King of Camelot in a drinking competition had not been the highlight of her dignity but she must admit to herself; she was proud of the victory.

"That never happened!" Arthur's face twisted into humiliation.

"Yes I would be simply mortified in your position too…Beaten by a woman...How shameful!" She mocked the King as she laughed once more, even Arthur managed to smirk. They had never spent an entire conversation alone together…Not including the time she had begged him for help against the Queen of whores, Rosalie. The Queen of whores…She must tell Merlin that one!

"It doesn't matter anyway, you'll forget come dawn anyway. It will never be spoken of again." Arthur seemed rather relieved…Ha! As if she would allow this event to remain unmocked.

"I doubt that sire. I already told Merlin."

"Oh Gods no." Arthur groaned, he knew as well as she did that her master would never allow this loss to be forgotten. Ever. Speaking of Merlin…She had been on her way to their chambers when Arthur had stopped her. She had to tell him…

"I wanted to thank you Morgana." Arthur began, placing a strong battle worn hand upon her shoulder.

"What for sire? Humiliating you before your entire court? I swear to you, the pleasure was entirely mine."

Arthur barked a laugh before shaking his head. "No…No. For being a good friend. To me and to Merlin. And I have not treated you as such; I have treated you as a spoiled lady when you have never acted as such. I never did take you seriously when you came to me seeking help with Rosalie…What happened to her?" Arthur broke off into his question.

"Merlin sent her away." She muttered the well-rehearsed lie as memories of Rosalie's warning once more invaded her drunken mind.

"Oh."

"Perhaps we should retire your grace." It is late and we are not within our right minds. She did not wish to continue this conversation, she did not wish to accidently reveal Morgause's threat whilst in her cups.

"Yes yes of course." Arthur stood and almost fell onto his royal backside. "But I did mean what I said Morgana…You're a good friend." She smiled and nodded.

"As are you." Then she turned and began to walk toward the chambers she shared with Merlin. Yes now she would tell him!

Xoxox

He stepped out from the rapidly cooling water and allowed his magic to clear it away. Quickly he wrapped the rough material around his waist lest Morgana entered the chambers suddenly and saw everything; his body told him he would like that whilst the part of his mind that was not completely intoxicated told him that he would not. Although now that he had thought of his apprentice, why the hell had she not returned to their chambers yet.

She had been extremely intoxicated when he had left her…Gods he should not have left her there alone…Not when she was in such a state…What was he thinking? What if Sir Gwaine approached her? He was known for his preference for maidens…And Morgana was virginal. One of the many things that fuelled his burning ache for her.

He was about to turn and walk to his room of the chamber to dress and find his missing apprentice when the large main door swung open to reveal a giggling Morgana. He watched her stumble into the room before closing the door and leaning upon it. Slowly she turned around and he watched her eyes trail the length of his body until they reached the material covering his cock. Gods he should move…Dress…But he couldn't. He was frozen.

She slowly took a step toward him, eyes never leaving his body. In truth he was close to beaming with pride that _she _was affected by _him_ for a change. Now they were merely inches apart. He _had _to move…He could not trust his judgement right now…

"I…I wanted to tell you something…" She began as her hand carefully rose and landed softly upon his chest followed by the other. Neither had said anything for what seemed to be a long stretch of time; the heat from her hands was building an inferno within him. Did she know what she was doing to him? Surely she must, he was panting with withheld passion…And so was she.

If only he could not have access to his magic, just for one night…One night of shared bliss. His eyes closed but were ripped open when her hands began to slide slowly down his chest. He should stop this…She was not in her right mind…She would hate him come morning if anything happened between them…It would be the _end _of her if anything happened between them.

"Merlin…" She whispered. He was losing himself within the roaring wave of passion sweeping over them; losing himself in the lust between them…Surely it wasn't just him affected. It couldn't be. There was an obvious sexual attraction sparking between them; one which could not be given into. Not ever. She was too pure, too good. Too innocent. The whisper of his name upon her lips was almost his undoing.

He prayed to the Gods to send him their strength tonight…Perhaps he should be praying to the devil for the willpower… "Morgana…"

Their eyes met in the darkened room and they held each other's heated gaze for the first time since she entered. It was hot, it was longing…Her eyes had darkened dramatically. Darkened with lust. They could not do this…Nothing could happen…He could not allow something to happen between them.

But as his eyes trailed to her heaving breasts, pushed up so deliciously by her corseted gown he realised they needed _somethin__g_. They could not continue to be within each other's presence every day with the raging, denied lust between them. They needed to quench it tonight before one of them gave succumbed to it.

Slowly…_So slowly_ his arms moved and his hands handed upon her small shoulders, he could feel her heat even through the green velvet of her gown. Tonight he would give her pleasure, enough to help her urges at least; he was a man and could bed a willing woman any time he wished but Morgana could not. She did not have the knowledge to _help herself_…Gods…The imagine of Morgana caressing herself…Bringing herself pleasure were too much.

Her eyes closed this time and her hands fell from his chest and he mourned the loss of her touch immediately, he stepped towards her, pressing himself against her before lowering his lips onto her neck.

Xoxox

Gods it was all too much, her hands had found their way onto their back whilst his full lips sensually attacked her neck; using his teeth to mark her. She would have to find a way to cover them tomorrow but in this moment she did not care. She shouldn't be doing this…_They_ should not be doing this…It was wrong…But it was so dammed right!

The next thing she was aware of was that she was being pushed backwards; she had no idea where he was guiding her too. Until she felt his desk hit her bottom. His mouth's assault upon her neck began working its way up towards her jaw then he stopped. They were so close, their lips inches apart; her skin was burning where he'd touched her. They had not broken their eye contact, her mind was swimming and she did not think it was merely the alcohol anymore.

She was losing herself in him and it scared her. This was a game of lust…And love. And she didn't know which side she was on.

She couldn't take the tension anymore and crashed her lips against his desperately, he returned with just as much urgency much to her delight. Her hand found its way up into his hair and he groaned. His lips were ravishing hers; this wasn't like their previous kisses…They had been urgent yes, passionate yes but this was raw _lust. _It was domination. And for the first time in her life she wished to be dominated.

The next thing she was aware of the laces of her gown had been torn and the material began to fall down her body until it clung to her waist leaving her in her shift before him. She couldn't help the slight embarrassment that flushed through her…She'd never been so scantily clad before a man before…She felt the heat rise within her cheeks and had to force herself to supress the urge to cover herself.

"Gods you're beautiful." Merlin's voice broke through her thoughts…His voice hoarse with arousal…He was clearly struggling to control himself. She didn't want control…Not tonight. Quickly she kissed him again and his long fingers began working on the laces of her shift. Suddenly any trace of embarrassment was gone. She wanted to be as undressed as he was…She wanted them naked. She wanted them to be _one._

It was not long until she felt the material of her shift sliding down her body, exposing it inch for inch to Merlin's hungry gaze. Nothing was said as Merlin began kissing a trail toward them. Her moans were the only sounds that filled the large chambers.

"Oh Gods Merlin!" She heard him growl in response as he took her nipple into his mouth and sucked gently, he began a routine of nipping lightly with his teeth before soothing it with his tongue. She was a whimpering mess within moments of his assault. He moved equally between both breasts.

"Your body is perfect…You're perfect." Merlin whispered as he stood to full height once more…She was shaking, desperate to know what he would do next. Her answer came when he pulled them closer together, she could feel his hardness beneath the fabric covering his waist. She gasped, instinctively her hips moved forward to meet his and this time it was his turn to gasp. This felt much better than last time they had allowed this to happen.

Her shift and gown still clung desperately to her hips to stay upon her body that was all that was keeping her from being completely bare. His large hands slid across her waist and to her bottom before gripping her enough to be able to lift her. Lift her onto his desk. Now he stood between her parted legs with a smirk before his hands began pushing the material that covered her up, exposing even more of her to him.

He knew her better than anyone on this earth, better than her own family, and now she was allowing him carnal knowledge of her…Maybe this had done too far? Perhaps they should sto-

"Ah!" She cried as she felt Merlin's mouth against her wet folds. She could almost _feel _his smirk against her…She knew that she should be embarrassed knowing his mouth was _there _didn't care, not now.It felt too good...Gods…She was making so much noise…

"Gods…More!" She moaned as her hand shamelessly held his head in place; she was _so close _so something…So close...

Merlin's hands found her shaking thighs and held them in place as his teeth lightly scraped the bundle of nerves and she cried his name in response. Then it happened…Like an explosion, she'd never felt anything like it she couldn't contain the cry that escaped her throat as white hot pleasure like she had never known coursed through her. She couldn't breathe…She felt as if she was shaking everywhere.

Merlin stood from his kneeling position and leaned over her panting; she could read the arousal clearly within his deep blue eyes, she could always read the emotion in his eyes. He was almost like an open book for her to read. Only her. And she could read for hours.

Everything had changed between them this night…She could only pray that he wouldn't regret it when he awoke tomorrow; that would crush her more than any other rejection she could ever face. Everything was so new…So _raw_ and the sexual attraction between them was unbearable…She needed more. And she needed it _now._

What she needed was him.

She didn't care where, or even where now. She just wanted him _all _of him. Not just his body, she wanted his soul, his mind...

"Morgana…" He whispered so huskily, the struggle for control was evident in his voice, he had given her pleasure and now it was his turn. Slowly…Nervously…She pushed him from her, she saw the confusion within his eyes but ignored it; she also ignored the nervousness that crept into her. She had no idea how to pleasure a man! Merlin had knowledge from the multiple…Conquests he had had…She pushed that away, she didn't like to think of Merlin with some other woman.

Slowly she slid to her feet and faced him, the shift falling back into place, covering her from his view. Their eyes had not broken contact and she _burned _under his gaze. The wave of passion was growing, strengthening…There was more to this than lust…She had already lowered all of her walls to Merlin, allowed him to see everything about her. But there was one left, one which he was too close to breaking down.

Morgana slowly stretched herself up and captured his lips once more and again it became hungry…She could feel his hardness against her hip…He wanted her…He needed her. Slowly her hands rested upon his shoulders as they continued the kiss, both ignoring the need for air. Then when she felt bold she began to slide her hands down…Further…Further…Until she reached his thigh and she slowly began to caress his skin through the rough material covering him from her view.

Of course she was desperate to see beneath, to show Merlin the passion boiling inside of her for him but she was still an innocent and nerves were battling lust in a bloody war within her. She could hear Merlin's heavy breathing as she broke the kiss.

"Morgana…Please…"He moaned, his fists clenched tightly.

Then she did it, her hand moved beneath the material and fingertips softly grazed over the sensitive skin of Merlin's cock, his resulting moan had her smiling smugly at his tightened jaw and his closed eyes. She wrapped her hand around him and slowly began moving it. Merlin was completely at her mercy; his back leaning upon the desk behind him…The desk he had pleasured her on just moments before.

It was surreal how arousing it was to pleasure another, Merlin's moans and grunts had dampened her core once more and she found she wanted to begin their activities again and again and again…And again. Merlin's member was soft yet so hard at the same time…Such a strange contrast…Just like Merlin himself she supposed. She continued her movements watching his reaction

She moved her wrist a little faster and Merlin hissed; she wasn't sure what she was doing but it was obviously right…She hoped. "Faster Morgana…Gods yes…Like that…Harder…" Merlin demanded and she complied readily. She followed his commands and soon his moans grew louder. Until his pleasure exploded and he spilled onto her hand.

And then it was over.

They both stood in silence together, recovering, revelling in the aftermath of the events that could have ruined their friendship forever…Or changed it into something else entirely.

One thing was now clear to her now; Merlin had broken down that last wall so easily…

She loved Merlin.

**Xoxox**

**Sorry this took so long…Sometimes during this chapter I magically transformed into a child and took to chucking. I can be so immature. Anyway I tried to make this HOT so let me know if you liked it or not? I've never written anything this M rated before so let me know if it flowed right please.**

**Review please? **


	7. Chapter 7

Gods, how could he have been so stupid! How could he have lost control in such a way? He would still taste her on his lips, feel her pressed against him so sensually...No! If things had gone further...He had almost taken her against the fucking table! If that had happened she would be dead right now.

His hands angrily fisted inside his hair as he roared in frustration. Perhaps he should send her away for a few days...Give her some task that would keep her from Camelot, to give them both space. He shook the thought away, Morgana wasn't skilled enough with her magic to defend herself without his help.

He'd tried everything to force the events of the previous night from his head; but he doubted it was even possible...The warlock would forever have it burned into his memory. He hadn't had a chance to speak to her that morning, she had gone to attend Guinevere before he'd woken and she hadn't returned yet. He had to speak to her...What would she think of him now? Gods...What if she thought of him on the same level as Alvarr? Even thinking of that bastard made Merlin's blood boil, he could kill him everyday and still never tire of it.

He supposed he should be worried about the more important matters at hand; whilst he and Morgana had been...Busy...Morguase had declared war upon Camelot. The threat Rosalie had screamed replayed in his mind for the millionth time that morning. He hadn't left his chambers since he had heard the news; he could only imagine what was running through Morgana's mind. Or Arthur's...His own sister. Secretly he had hoped Morgause wouldn't act upon her threats, he had prayed that she would raise her son in peace as he had begged her to do. Memories of their shared past washed over him. After Nimueh, the comfort he had found with Arthur's sister when he'd found her on Avalon. She only just twenty...No, it was not worth thinking of.

However he couldn't stop the memories of what she had whispered last time they had seen each other.

It wasn't true...It wasn't true...She was a liar...A traitor.  
She was poisonous.

Nothing she spoke was truth anymore.

Arthur would be building his armies, recruiting and training. No doubt the Giaus - the physician - would be checking the Queen desperately for signs of pregnancy. If the worst should happen in battle, Arthur needed an heir. But there had been so sign of a baby in Guinevere's belly - and even if there was, he doubted it was Arthur's, Lancelot's most likely. The whore Queen people named her now. Even Arthur knew of the affair yet had not pushed her aside. He was a good man; better than Uther could ever have been.

The warlock felt her before she had even entered the chamber, the dreaded confrontation was about to happen. He counted the seconds before the sound of the large door opening reached his ears.

"Morgana." He wasn't facing her, instead out of the window, he could see many of the people speaking fearfully, some evacuating the city.  
"Merlin." She sounded frightened; from the brewing conversation between them or the looming battle he did not know. After a few more tense moments of silence he turned to face her, clad her her simple green gown, raven hair about her shoulders she was still as beautiful as ever.

Morgana licked her lips and opened her mouth to speak before closing once more. He said nothing, just waited for her to speak what she wished to say. "Merlin...Sir Gwaine...He came to me this morning whilst I was with the Queen." She trailed off, clearly unsure how to phrase the next part of her story. Slowly he leaned upon the cold stone wall and folded his arms.

"And?"

Another shaky breath escaped her lips.

"He proposed marriage to me."

What?! Gwaine had proposed marriage to Morgana? Of course he had known Gwaine had a...A soft spot for his apprentice - most of the knights did - but marriage? He had never in his wildest dreams imagined this...No. It would not happen. He would not let this happen! She couldn't marry him.

Morgana was his. Even if nothing could ever happen between them. He was aware of the selfishness but he didn't care.

"I told him that I needed time...To think." Her fingers were playing nervously on the table, her eyes watching the digits move as if they were the most fascinating sight in the world. "It's a rather large decision to make at a moment's notice."

He had still not spoken a word, but he was desperate to hear more, to hear her say she was going to refuse the proposal.

Finally she raised those eyes and met his own gaze; before she spoke once more. "The reason I told him that Merlin is..." He couldn't help but notice she'd used his name rather than referring to him as master.

"Tell me." He stepped forward. They stood at opposite sides of the small rounded table.

"I love you."

Those words. Those words he had longed to hear from from those lips but he had never thought he'd hear them. Gods...Morgana loved him...All this time he'd thought he was struggling with the overpowering emotions alone but she'd been beside him. He stumbled backwards from the table, only a few steps. He couldn't breath...Or think.

He was torn. So damn torn. One half of him was roaring to admit his own feelings, to take her into his arms and kiss her senseless; but the other...It knew that his dark magic would be the end of her. Unless she became skilled in the acts of dark magic, something which he would never allow. It was cruel...He would be forced to physically and mentally torture her! She would have to be chained in darkness for days. He would not make her endure that...Not for him. His eyes stung with the realization of the finality this conversation carried.

To save her he had to hurt her.

"You can't." He choked out, tears had gathered in his eyes but they would not spill onto his face, she could not see how this was destroying him. Of course Morgan would be as stubborn as a bloody mule!

"I can!...I do! Why do you find that so hard to believe Merlin?" He raised his tear filled eyes to meet her own. he was against the wall once more. Her voice had become barely a whisper as she spoke. "Nimueh loved you...Why can't I?" A single tear fell down her cheek as she pleaded with him; he clenched his fists so tightly his nails had bit into the flesh. Gods it was all too much...His anger at the situation boiled over and he directed it toward Morgana, to push her away.

"What do you think Morgana," he began shouting, "that we could fall in love, be wed one day? No Morgana. No. It can't happen! Nothing other than meaningless sex can ever happen between us, if that's what you wish then, the gods know I'll come to your bed willingly but nothing more." He softened his tone for the final blow to both their hearts. "The most you could ever hope for is to carry my bastard in your belly."

Another tear followed the trail of the last, then another. He loathed himself. Then she nodded slightly and wiped the tears from her face. "Very well. I shall accept Sir Gwaine's proposal then." She turned on her heel to walk from the chamber but he shook his head and spoke once more.

"No you won't." His voice had somehow filled itself with authority, a tone which he had never taken with her before. He watched as her whole body froze to the spot and then slowly turned to face him. Outrage clear upon her face. A storm of another nature entirely was about to rage.  
"What do you mean no?" She demanded.

"As my apprentice I decide what happens to you Morgana and you will not wed Gwaine!" He hadn't moved from the wall until now, he attempted to move past her but she kept herself in front of him. He hadn't realized he had shouted the words until Morgana's infamous temper snapped.

"How can you be so heartless!?" She screamed.

"That is just who I am Morgana!" Her face contorted with emotions, anger, hurt, love and heartbreak. Then she turned and walked into her chamber, slamming the door behind her.

He allowed himself to drop to the floor as he heard her cries through the door and began weep himself .

xoxox

She was sobbing loudly into the linens on her large bed. Merlin could probably hear her, he would think she was even more pathetic now. She didn't understand...He didn't want her...But he wouldn't allow anyone else to have her.

She'd been so sure he felt something for her. He'd always been her protector, he had killed Alvarr for her. She thought of the time she'd kissed him to break Rosalie's enchantment and what it had led to...Then the kiss in Alvarr's home...And then last night...More tears spilled over her eyes.

He had been so cold...He had never treated her like that before. She loved him.

She loved him...

She had truly believed that something would happen between them now. Behind her she heard one of the beautiful vases she owned smash as her magic reacted to her emotions. All of the the discipline techniques Merlin had taught her, failed. She couldn't think of anything but her misery. She had truly thought she meant something to him...Even as a friend, an apprentice

. How dare he be so presumptuous as to believe he could make her decisions for her! It didn't matter that she didn't want to marry Gwaine...Didn't want to be the wife he came home to swive after leaving the latest of his mistresses. Of course that wasn't the life she wished for! She supposed now, due to her master's influence, she would never feel the cold metal of a wedding ring around her finger and never feel truly loved as she'd read of.

She may love Merlin, but in this moment, she hated with such a burning passion it threatened to consume her.

xoxox

Okay...Hey! Anyone still reading this fic after the long wait between chapters? If so, then: I AM SO SORRY! My laptop broke and took forever to fix! I lost all all my files so had to re-do my entire chapter plans for the upcoming chapters etc! Ugh it was awful but again I'm sorry!

About the chapter; wow angsty right?! Please don't hate me for doing this! It had to be done! Unknowingly Merlin is pushing Morgana toward ahem...People he wouldn't want her mixing with.

**Was anyone confused about the whole Merlin/Morgause thing? If so don't worry! Everything shall be revealed in later chapters! **

Well I think that's all for now, so until next time!

**Please review!**


	8. Chapter 8

Three days. She hadn't spoken to Merlin for three days. Not that she particularly wanted to speak to him at all right now. Although the separation wasn't entirely_ her_ fault, she had barely seen him since the argument; the only times she had been in the same room as him was in Arthur's council meetings. He would send her guilt ridden glances.

She didn't even think he was returning back to their chamber at night; probably distracting himself with another pretty face to warm whatever bed he was in. Prettier than her no doubt. The sorceress sighed and watched her breath appear upon the cold glass of the window. She remembered last time she had sat there, thinking about Merlin; she had watched him return from a ride with Rosalie then.

How quickly everything had changed.

Although she still didn't understand why he could not fathom why they could not be together...She had been so sure he felt something for her. Another heavy sigh escaped her lips as she leaned her forehead against the glass and watched the rain pour from the sky.

Gods she should never have confessed her love for him; it had ruined everything, their friendship, her lessons, her heart was broken and Merlin felt so uncomfortable that he couldn't come home! Finally she allowed her tears to mingle in a wet wedding upon the cold stone windowsill she sat upon. He was probably angry that she had brought Nimueh into the conversation...What had she been thinking?

Maybe Merlin truly felt nothing other than friendship for her, perhaps he merely wished for Nimueh at his side...More tears followed the trail of the others. Now she was doomed to wallow in her misery.

She felt like she was drowning in a sea of emotions and Merlin had ripped the lifeline from her hands, she could almost feel the water fill her lungs.

The previous day she had refused Sir Gwaine's proposal, he had been rather angry...Furious even. The knight was unused to being refused the things he wanted. Of course she had no real reason for the refusal, except being in love with Merlin. Of course she didn't told Gwaine that.

But perhaps it wasn't meant to be. He didn't love her, she had to learn accept that.

Perhaps she should just go home, it had been a long time since she had seen her mother, father and brother and she missed them dearly. She longed for comforting words from her mother, to feel her arms around her lovingly. She had enough knowledge to control and practice her magic now, it would be nice to have some distance from Camelot. Even just for a little while.

Yes...She would go home, for a while at least - although she would have to ask Arthur's permission to leave court first. Usually she would ask Merlin's but he already believed he could dictate who she chose to marry and she _would not _give him anymore power over her decisions.

She finally moved from her place by the window and wiped her eyes, she would not cry anymore, not for Merlin. She quickly exited the chambers in search of Arthur Pendragon.

**xoxox**

It was only when she reached Arthur's chambers she realized there was a chance that Merlin would be inside...Gods she didn't want to face him...She was still humiliated. But no, she raised her chin high; she still had her dignity and she would not hide away like a child as Merlin had been doing.

Quickly she knocked upon the door and smoothed down her silver gown before she heard "enter" though the thick doors. And so began the beginning of the end of her time in Camelot, the end of the love affair she never had.

However when she entered she laid eyes upon the King of Camelot wiping his eyes quickly to erase the stains of tears. Perhaps he too was mourning the loss of a relationship, everyone knew of Arthur and Guinevere's separation...Well unofficial separation, Arthur would not put his Queen aside despite her affair and apparent barrenness.

She wasn't sure exactly how she felt about the Queen now, they had been good friends; but Morgana felt betrayed on Arthur's behalf about the Queen's affair with Sir Lancelot...Who had been banished from Camelot on pain of death.

She said nothing about the obvious tear marks upon the King's cheeks as she slowly stepped toward him.

"Ah Morgana...What can I do for you?" Arthur attempted to strike up the conversation she had been intent upon having but Morgana's attention had been drawn completely away from the King and instead was focused upon the portrait of the beautiful blonde woman which was sitting on Arthur's desk.

"Who is that, is you don't mind my asking sire?"

"My mother, Queen Igraine." Arthur's voice melted into an almost wistful tone. Arthur's mother had been beautiful...Her blonde hair was cascading down her back in curls, green eyes much like Morgana's own, her face was soft and kind and Morgana immediately felt a sense of safety from merely looking at her.

"She was beautiful..." Morgana trailed off.

"I know, I took my mother's hair and father's eyes...I wish I'd known her better." Arthur agreed, "What little memories I have are so...Hazy, that I'm not even sure if they're real or dreams." He laughed a mirthless, mournful laugh.

Sometimes in her dreams, a blonde woman appeared, sometimes laughing, other's crying...And sometimes she would stand calmly and hold out an embrace for Morgana...When morning came Morgana could never remember the woman's face...She sometimes saw the blonde woman playing with two children. The woman spun, laughing swinging a small child in her arms, her light pink gown flowing in the wind whilst a blonde haired boy ran around her feet joining his mother's laughter.

She wasn't sure exactly the dreams meant, her visions apparently, according to Merlin were of moments that had passed, or shall pass or could have been.

"What happened to her?" She asked, although she already knew exactly what happened to Queen Igraine...She merely wanted to know what Arthur had been raised thinking. She was still yet to tear her gaze from the Queen.

"She died birthing my sibling, and the child too died." Arthur's head shook, "some whisper that magic was involved."

Oh gods, who could have known? Merlin had said he was the last living person who knew of what had transpired between himself, Nimueh and Igraine! Finally she tore her gaze from the painting to look at Arthur.

"And do you believe them sire?" She broached carefully. Arthur shook his head without hesitation, and Morgana silently thanked the gods.

"No...Woman dying in childbirth is common. And the babes dying is just as common unfortunately. Childbed fever is something I fear not even magic can prevent."

Not prevent it...But it could cause it...All too easily...

"I'm so sorry Arthur..." She whispered; and it was true, what Merlin lost that day was devastating, to lose the one someone loves is horrific and heart-breaking...But Arthur lost so much _more_ on that day. He lost his father, his mother and his sibling. Of course the child had not actually died but Arthur and the court believed so. He became alone. A scared little boy without the love of parents with an entire Kingdom thrust upon his shoulders. It was very tragic.

"They say the baby was a girl..." he shook his head slightly, mournfully, "two sisters lost..."

"You have others around you sire, other's who love you." She slowly sat upon the seat beside Arthur, "I've heard great stories of you're mother, and the great love and adoration she always bore toward you." It was true, many often spoke highly of Igraine, although she doubted anyone would dare speak ill of the King's late mother.

"Thank you Morgana...There is not many who would show such an interest." Arthur smiled and Morgana returned it whole heartedly. She and Arthur didn't spend a lot of time together and when they did it was usually just politeness. But now she felt as if they were bonding...

"I'm glad you're here Morgana. I don't give the title of friend easily but I give it to you more than willingly." Morgana had not felt so touched in her entire life...She had the urge to hug the King but she believed that would cross a boundary.

"Thank you sire." She smiled.

"Now what was it you came to see me for?" And immediately Arthur's royal presence had returned, she stood to ask her favour.

"I wish your permission to leave court for a few days, I plan to visit my family." Morgana wouldn't burden Arthur of the details why...How did one phrase, "Well I admitted my love for Merlin who proceeded to inform be that the best I could have from him was '_a bastard in my belly_?'" No of course the best option was to keep the...Incident between herself and Merlin.

"And Merlin knows of your plans?" Arthur's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"I was planning to find him after I left you sire." She smiled innocently.

"Alright, of course, have a safe journey Morgana." The King smiled toward her.

Now she had to speak to Merlin.

**xoxox**

"You're leaving?" Merlin echoed. She had ventured into his tower, a place she was warned _never_ to go. But if he wouldn't leave the dammed tower there wasn't much else she could do.

She felt extremely awkward had to clasp her hands to avoid fiddling with them as she often did.

What she didn't expect was the deep cutting hurt she felt just by being in his presence; that mixed with the near overwhelming love she still felt for him had her adopting a new, more painful motto.

_He doesn't love you. _

_He doesn't love you. _

_He doesn't love you._

Merlin looked almost hurt by the news, as if she was doing it merely to hurt him, which of course she wasn't! She needed space, some time to think.

"Only for a few days...I miss my family." The way he was sitting behind his desk made her feel like she was a child about to be chastised. And she did not like it.

"Of course..." He nodded, and she was reminded of the time he had told her he wished to meet her family...Gods how different the circumstances of this visit could be...No she had no time for what if's.

"When will you leave?" He lowered his eyes to a random parchment upon his desk, one which was apparently more important than her departure.

"Tonight, as soon as I'm ready."

That captured his attention; Merlin's head snapped up and their eyes connected. She took a deep breath, attempting to push away the hurt.

"Tonight? Are you mad? Do you have any idea how dangerous it is for a woman to travel alone at night?" He lectured; he had a habit of that, whether he realized it or not.

"Why would you care?" She scowled, she hadn't meant to say that aloud...But it was true. Merlin stood so sharply that his chair scraped back loudly. He leaned over the desk using his arms; their faces were close...So close.

"Of course I care Morgana!" The sincerity of his words shone through his dark blue eyes, there it was...That protectiveness he unleashed upon her so often. But then something in his face changed and he pulled back, the emotion was gone.

_He didn't love her._

_He didn't love her. _

_He didn't love her._

"I'll leave at first light." She mumbled before turning on her heel and fleeing the room. As she left she heard him call out to her.

"Morgana...Morgana wait! We have to talk! There's a reason for what I said...Morgana!"

But she continued from the room and back to her own. Almost running through the court. However this time, when she reached her chambers she didn't cry; she had promised herself she wouldn't cry for Merlin again. And it was a promise she intended to keep.

Unlike the empty assurance she had given him about leaving at first light; she had to leave. There were too many memories, too much hurt. A few days away and perhaps everything would be alright again. They could go back to normal, friends, master and mentor. Nothing else.

That was how it was always supposed to be.

**xoxox**

The poor stable boy had been half asleep as he brought her, her horse. She thanked him and as he left to retire to bed once more she stared up at the saddle...Merlin was going to be so angry with her...

But right now she didn't allow herself to care; if she left now and rode through the night, she could be home by morning. She threw one last look toward Camelot, and at Merlin's tower as she pulled her green velvet cloak around her tighter before pulling herself up onto the saddle and riding off.

She knew the forests surrounding Camelot well, Merlin liked to visit the Druid camps nearby often. Morgana adored the Druid camps, they were all so peaceful, so happy. Perhaps she should consider joining one when her studies with Merlin were over, she had been offered a place by the Druid Aglain...Yes she would like that, Merlin had said she was getting close to the limit of what he could teach her, and she wasn't sure whether to be happy or miserable about it. But maybe she could be _happy _with the Druids.

She urged her horse on faster...Determined to be as far from Camelot as possible. But the next thing she knew she was being flung from her horse with a cry; the horse stopped running immediately. She knew it had been magic which had thrown her and readied her own in retaliation.

"Who's there?" Her voice rang out into the darkness. There was no reply, merely the sound of footsteps approaching her position. Gods she wished Merlin was here...No matter what happened between them, she always felt safe when he was with her.

_Because he would kill for her..._

The errant thought entered her mind and she pushed it away, immediately, no now she had to defend herself. For once she was not playing damsel in distress.

Finally a blonde woman dressed in an elegant gown appeared before her, hands held up as a show of peace...Morgana was still on edge. Why had this woman thrown her from her horse? And kept said horse by her side. When she was close enough Morgana spoke first.

"Who are you?"

The woman smiled before lowering her hands.

"My name is Morgause."

**xoxox**

**DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNNN!**

**So now Morgause is here...What's she up too? How's Merlin going to react? And most importantly what has Morgause got planned? **

**So like it, love it, hate it? PLEASE review?**


	9. Chapter 9

Oh gods oh gods oh gods oh gods. Morgana was standing here with Morgause...Camelot's greatest emeny...Merlin's greatest enemy, the one who'd sent Rosalie to them...

Gods she was going to be taken prisioner...Tortured for information...Held to ransom... If Morgause didn't kill her, Merlin would for being so dammned _stupid!_

"You should be more careful when travelling alone. The forrest can be a dangerous place for a woman." Morgause smiled almost condesendingly.

She slowly took a few steps backwards; perhaps if she just ran? Her magic hummed behieth her skin, desperate to be used but she knew she could never hope to defeat Morgause in magical combat. It was her weakness according to Merlin, she was more of a healer than a fighter apparently. Morgana did prefer the idea of saving lives rather than taking them with her magic. It seemed...More suited to her.

But still she had to try...Her eyes flashed the beautiful gold, the colour of magic but her attempt was blocked quickly by Morgause. So quickly that Morgana wanted to scream, shout and curse at the blonde sorcereress.

"You have no need to fear me, Morgana! I wish you no harm...Even if it would be advantages for me to kill Merlin's lover." She whispered the last part of her sentence almost to herself, like she was fighting an internal battle...To kill or not to kill?

More importantly...Morgause believed she was Merlin's lover? Why? Once more the what if's flooded Morgana's mind...No! She _couldn't _think about what if's...Not now! Why was Morgause here? On the borders of Camelot? Gods what was this woman planning now? Morgause was a constant plague on Camelot, bringing misery and destruction wherever she went.

"I-I'm not Merlin's lover...He's my friend. Nothing more." She hid the hurt from Morgause, she could not show this woman any weaknesses...She didn't reveal her weaknesses to _anyone. _Allowing the walls around her heart to fall only brought pain. She'd learned that from the greatest warlock to ever live.

What she had said was true, that was all she was to Merlin. A friend. But Morgause was causing something more powerful than the pieces of her heart being broken...There was a sense of familiarity...Almost as if she knew Morgause from _somewhere_. But that couldn't be possible.

The woman in question's eye's narrowed toward her as she took a few steps closer to Morgana. "But if...Why would he not?..." The blonde witch seemed to be speaking to herself as she stared at Morgana; and then her eyes widened in understanding. "Oh. Oh I see..." She smirked and laughed, "you are not powerful enough; I should have known. I suppose he has not taught you in the dark arts?"

What the hell was she talking about? She wasn't powerful enough? How dare she! This woman knew _nothing _of her...Perhaps her spell had been easily blocked but that meant nothing! She was powerful! How dare she make assumptions of her powers! Nothing was making sense...Morgause noticed her confusion and smiled in a way that seemed genuinely friendly.

A pretense, Morgana was sure.

"He never told you? I suppose not, why should he? The oh so powerful and mighty Emrys can only bed woman with equal magic to his own, one who does not possess magic, or those whose magic is skilled enough in dark magic that it can protect her from the darkness inside him." Morgause shrugged as if this information was nothing.

Gods...Oh gods...He was _protecting her_...But...He had said she was a powerful seer! Did that count for nothing? Why the hell hadn't he just told her!? Gods she felt sick...Her head turned to face the direction of the palace...She had to appologise. What a position she had put Merlin in...That did not explain why he hadn't merely told her everything in the first place. He always had to be a dammed mystery didn't he! Perhaps he could teach her?

"I did not come here to educate you about the type of woman bedded by Emrys, Morgana. There is a reason I came to you." Morgause's face had once again molded itself into seriousness, and Morgana's stomache began tying itself into knots once again.

"And what reason is that?" She barely managed to speak, Gods she wished she was inside the citedel right now...If she managed to escape Morgause, then everything would be alright! Although, nothing that Morgause had told her made Morgana any less angry at Merlin for attempting to control her life. For refusing to 'allow' her to marry Gwaine...When Merlin had rejected her, she _had _intended on accepting Gwaine's proposal.

But a little part of her was actually glad Merlin hadn't allowed it. Her mind had been clouded by the heartbreak and she would have regreted the engagement almost immediately.

But still, Merlin had no right.

"I want you to join me Morgana. Your raw power...It is very strong. And together we can usher in a new era...One ruled over by Mordred!" Morgause stepped toward her puropsely. "I believe that together the throne shall shift to a better King...One who does not allow a barren harlot to cloud his judgements." The smile upon the blonde woman's face had become so full of happieness, so full of hope that it almost made Morgana forget the evil intent behind it.

Almost.

"And why would I do that?" She added empathes on the word 'and'; did Morgause think she was mad? Why on earth would she leave Camelot to turn to the darker side? To fight against all of her friends and the man she loved? She owed Merlin and Arthur everything, she couldn't bretray them. She _would not _betray them.

"Because the same royal blood flows through our veins. You are the daughter of Yigrane and Uther Pendragon. We are sisters." The sorcereress put carefull empathes upon the final three words of the sentence. Fully aware of what she had just spoken would change the young woman before her's life. Forever.

What? No...It was impossible! Why would Morgause say such things? She must have a purpose...Morgana stepped back so suddenly that she would have fallen over her own cloak had there not been a tree behind her. Bracing her full weight upon the bark she allowed everything the woman had just said wash over her.

She had to be lying...Merlin had taken the child to...

A villiage...Outside of Camelot...

No. Just because she had a simalar upbringing to missing child...No! No. No..._No._

Merlin would have known, surely he would have known? She felt her face contort with emotion. What if it _was _true? What if Merlin did know?

It would mean everything she ever knew was a lie...Her mother...Her father...Her brother William...It would mean she was never a true member of that family. Tears pricked at Morgana's eyes...When she had discovered her magic; she had felt so alone. Like an outsider. And if this was true...Then she had been an outsider for her entire life.

Everyone had lied to her since the moment she was born.

But it wasn't true! It couldn't be.

"You're lying!" She screamed at Morgause who had adverted her eyes from her, as if she was attempting to give her a semblence of privacy. "Why should I believe your word alone?" Morgana felt a single tear fall from her eye and stain her cheek. Her eyes had been open dams the past few days.

"You're wise Morgana. Trust no one in this world. No one accept family. Allow me to prove myself to you? I could preform a familial bond spell?" She seemed so genuine...Should she allow her to do the spell? What if she faked the results? Was that even possible?

"Alright." She resolved herself to this test. She knew all about familal bonding spells; Merlin had taught her. She would know if Morgause was lying. Morgause smiled and fell to her knees upon the ground; pulling a dagger out that had been apparently stapped around her thigh. She began to carve a circle into the ground, chanting words of the old religion.

"I need your blood." The blonde remained in her place as Morgana warily approached her position, the tension that the magic of the spell created was so thick...It could have been cut with Morgause's blade. She hissed as the blade slashed the skin of her palm and watched as her blood poured onto the ground, within the circle Morgause had created. The blonde sorceress repeated the action upon her own flesh but barely flinched at the pain.

If their combined blood began to glow green...Then she was a Pendragon, but if nothing happened then Morgause had lied.

A few tense moments passed but it felt like _eons_ for Morgana; the course of her entire life could be forever altered depending upon the answer to this spell.

And then something happened.

The blood began to glow a green that riveled that of her eyes and cloak...A bright contrast to the dark night.

Oh Gods...Oh Gods...It was true.

She was a Pendragon.

She was the daughter of Yigraine and Uther Pendragon...Sister of Arthur and Morgause Pendragon and aunt to Mordred Pendragon...Oh Gods...

Before she knew it tears had began to spill from her cheeks...

"No..." She whispered into the night..."No..."

Morgause stood from the the ground with ease but this time did not step toward her. Instead, she merely watched simpathetically as Morgana stood silently weeping. Small noises escaped her throat but she didn't care.

"I understand this must be hard for you." She began but Morgana barely heard her; she was an orphan...Arthur was her brother! Her _brother!_

That also meant that Merlin had murdered her father.

And that his and Nimueh's magic had helped her mother concieve her.

And it had killed her.

It had all inadvertedly killed Nimueh.

And that portrait of Yigraine that Arthur had shown to her...That was her mother...Gods. And her dream...It was her mother smiling at her, opening her arms for her embrace. The boy must be Arthur...Perhaps it was a vision of what would have been, had Yigraine lived...

Suddenly pure rage threatened to consume her...This was all because of Merlin...It was her fault she didn't know of her true family...His fault that Arthur had grown alone and without a sibling...He had dictated her life before she had even been born!

Morgause's purpose for meeting her once more entered her thoughts...If she joined her, then she would know her true family..Except Arthur of course. But she would have a sister...A nephew! She could begin to make her own decisions in life.

"Will you join me sister? Join your family?" Morgause asked once more.

And this time Morgana answered without hesitation.

**xoxox**

The storm, ladies and gentlemen, has begun.

Sorry this has taken a while to be updated, I've had exams...So many exams...Only one more though :D!

Anyway! Soo...Don't kill me? Please *runs away screaming*.

We'll find out Morgana's answer in the next chapter hehehe! And just in case anyone got confused, Merlin doens't know who Morgana really is! Oh! And as I promised the whole Merlin/Morgause background will be revealed in a few chapters. Don't worry, everything shall make sense soon.

There is only...Around seven chapters left. And ohh boy...There is trouble ahead.

Update and let me know what you think!

And sorry to everyone that reviewed and I didn't reply! I got caught up in revision and will reply to any and all reviews once more!


	10. Chapter 10

The whip released a quick sound before biting into his back once more, he wanted desperately to not cry out; not to give his torturer the _pleasure _of hearing his screams but it was all too much. The pain that seared his back...He could not take it. His hands clamped harder around the chains that held his wrists forward...The chains that blocked his magic. As the whip met his flesh again Merlin screamed, new marks joining the countless scars upon his back from his time here.

Make it stop...Gods...Satan...Anything! Just make it stop! That was all that he could think about. Merlin slammed his eyes closed at Vortigen's shrill laughter. "Oh how the mighty do fall! Here we have the greatest sorcerer to ever live...Chained up and helpless. That can't feel good can it Merlin?" He heard Vortigen walk across the freezing stone room and sit upon the small stool in the corner. "Nothing to say today?" He continued. Merlin could feel his own blood trickling down his spine, along the criss - crossing scars and lashes upon his back. His knee's ached in retaliation to being forced to kneel upon the uneven stone floor for the past half hour whilst Vortigen visited him.

"Come on Merlin! Just tell me when Uther will strike and I'll free you! This will all be over, you can go back to that sweetheart of yours..." His fingers held his chains even tighter, he wanted desperately to go back to Nimueh...No! He couldn't allow this bastard to tempt him. Vortigen was _scum! _He could not rule Camelot!

"You wish to be rid of me already Vortigen? And here I had thought we were friends!" He retorted although his throat was dry through days with no water, he always supplied his tormentor with a witty retort or two. There was nothing sweeter than knowing he had angered the usurper.

It had worked, he heard the stool slide backwards with the force of which Vortigen stood. "Alright then warlock. Have it your way." He sneered from behind Merlin.

It would all be worth it, he chanted. Uther would reign...Nimueh would be by his side once more...It would all be worth it. Hot tears stung the warlock's eyes as the whip quickly met his skin again. He could hear the damned whip rise again...Ready to strike...

"No!"

Merlin awoke with a start, Gods...The nightmares of Vortigen's torture were as real as the memories. Thank god the bastard was slain by Uther. He _hated _himself for these nightmares, they were a weakness. Merlin's lips curled upwards as he remembered Nimueh's rant the previous time he had thought that. Loving someone who heard your thoughts hadn't always been easy. It was when these nighmares...These memories re-surfaced, that he missed Nimueh most. He could still remember her cries when he returned to her, half dead, bloody and scarred. She understood what it was that he'd suffered those months, she had been the _only _person who he could speak of it with.

Even Uther had understood that.

Merlin had been fond of Uther and sometimes found himself missing the late King, and the life he had while Uther reigned but then he remembered what Uther took from him. Arthur was a better man than his father could ever have hoped to be...But that didn't mean the previous King hadn't had redeeming qualities.

But that was all the past, and he couldn't linger there.

The warlock felt the moonlight upon him through the glass window and turned to face it, he dreaded the day's dawn...It would be the day Morgana left him...Because of his own stupidity! The raven haired sorcerer slowly rose from the bed, too large for merely one man, and walked toward the door of his bedchamber. Perhaps if he went to Morgana now...If he could make her understand?

Explain everything?...Even his love for her. Then she could make her decision, when she knew everything. And if she still wanted to leave then he would accept it. Maybe it would be better for them both that way? She could move on, marry some handsome Lord, bare children he would wish were his, bring them to court and present them to the King whilst he watched on...Perhaps that would make her happy? He however, was doomed to the shadows of love...To life in the memories. His life would be remembrance. A place they'd once laughed...A colour she once wore...

He swung the large door to Morgana's chamber open; it was now or never. At least she would know _everything _before making her decision. The scent that met him as he entered the chamber was one that was of lavender and something else entirely...Something just...Morgana.

But Morgana wasn't sleeping peacefully within the furs and linens of her bed as he'd expected. Something akin to alarm raced through him to see her sitting instead, upon the very edge of the large bed...Hands clenching the linens beneath her. He moved quickly to kneel before her.

"What's wrong Morgana? Was it a vision?" He asked, her visions had been bad as of late...Images of death, fire and destruction.

Her head shook, her eyes had yet to rise to look at him, instead they remained upon the ground stubbornly. "A _revelation." _She laughed mirthlessly and he remained silent for her to continue. "How _could you_?" Her voice was shaken as if she'd been crying. Gods this was all a horrific mess! He stood and moved to pull her into his arms but she pushed him violently before hissing "don't touch me!" She was only strong enough to make him stumble backwards for a few steps but it was enough.

She stood up and slowly took a few steps toward the window, arms folded defensively.

"What's wrong Morgana?" He begged, he could tell this was more than what had happened between them...Much more.

Slowly..._So _slowly...She turned to face him again. "Didn't you ever feel guilty? Feel any _ounce _of regret for doing the spell that murdered Yigraine?"

Merlin almost stumbled backwards again; why the hell would she bring that up now? She knew the consequences of that action and what it had cost him! But it seemed Morgana wasn't finished listing his sins yet.

"For slaying Uther? For taking their child away to rot in the county?" Why was she doing this?

"Why? Why now? Why not ask these questions when I told you the story Morgana?" Was all the answer she received. He could feel the thickness of the tension in the room...He could probably have cut it with a blade at the moment. She was shaking...He moved toward her to attempt to calm her...But she stepped backwards again.

"I told you, don't touch me! Never touch me! You disgust me!" She began to scream in his face and nothing could have stopped Merlin's response from escaping his lips...Nothing.

"That isn't what you were saying a few days ago Morgana...When I made you _burn _with your first taste of real pleasure. When you begged me for more...Moaned _my _name!" His lips curled upwards knowing he had touched a nerve until the felt Morgana's palm collide with his cheek. Hard.

He looked up and saw Morgana's eyes burn with rage and felt his own match it. Without thinking he grabbed her and slammed her into the nearest wall. "What has brought this on Morgana?" He hissed, their faces inches apart but this time not with lust, or even love...This time with anger. Sheer rage. "It can't be my rejection, that had nothing to do with Uther!" He continued, his teeth bared in anger, hers the same.

And then she did something that almost made him release her as roughly as he held her...She sneered, but in a way that made him see Morgause in his gaze rather than Morgana...

"There's blood on your hands Merlin! And it'll never wash off! Not that you care about that! It is your badge of honour!"

He couldn't help it, the rush of anger, of frustration...It all built so high that he slammed her against the wall once more. Just as roughly as before. "What is going on Morgana?" He barks at her and somewhere in his mind he realises, this is the first time he has ever been rough with Morgana before. Part of him hates himself for treating her like this but the other..._Loves _it.

He knew she was angry...But when their eyes met...He wasn't prepared for the rage there. "It was me!" Her voice breaks his thoughts, quieter than before.

"What was you?" He hadn't released his hold upon her yet, still furious with her.

"I was that child Merlin! You took me from my home...From my family! How could you!" She cried at him again; he didn't know what she was talking about. She was what child? And then he realised.

No.

"Who put this in your mind?"

Instead of replying she took advantage of his confusion and attempted to slap him once more. But he caught her wrists and pinned them above her head with a rather loud and most likely painful slam against the wall.

"Don't even think about that again!" He hissed darkly.

"If you want to know so badly, then why not just read my memories? I know how you love to invade people's privacy." There it was, that sneer again. He watched her face for any sign of sarcasm...But her eyebrow was simply raised in challenge. So he dropped her hands and grabbed her face between his hands. Their foreheads connected gently, despite their anger.

He could feel their magic mixing, his invading her mind...Her eyes closed in response.

He saw her being thrown from her horse earlier that night...Being approched by Morgause...Their discussion...The offer...The spell...

He pulled away gasping harshly and stumbling backwards again, Morgana stumbled back into the wall once more.

"No! It's not true! Morgana...It can't be!" Not this...Anything but this! She wasn't Uther's daughter! She _couldn't _be Uther's daughter!

Morgana laughed at his desperation, only it was a laugh completely without humour.

"You watched her perform the spell Merlin! Uther is my father...Yigraine is my mother!"

She was right. How could he not have known? Gods...

"It changes nothing Morgana!" He tried.

"It changes everything!" She screamed back, "Because of you I didn't know who I really was! You took me from my home!"

"You had magic Morgana! Just because I killed Uther didn't mean the threat of the purge was gone! Many at court, many in powerful positions wished magic to be outlawed, who's to say any regent that ruled for Arthur wouldn't begin one? I saved you!"

He saw the tears on her cheeks and he wanted to go to her, to wipe them away and forget everything that had happened the last few days. But he couldn't.

"Why didn't you send me to the high priestesses, like you did with Morgause?" She finally spoke again after what felt like hours to the warlock.

He sighed before answering, completely exhausted. "I had hoped you would never come fully into your magic. I wanted you to live a regular live away from it all."

"But it wasn't your choice to make! You think because you're so powerful, you can make decisions for people...That you can control them! But I swear to the Gods Merlin, you won't control me! Not again!" She continued screaming at him and he let her. He deserved it.

"I'm sorry Morgana! I truly am! But we can get past this, I promise!"

Morgana shook her head, "no! No...Morgause asked me to join her...I told her yes." He had been looking at the floor until then. His head moved to look at her so quickly.

"No! No Morgana...Not you." He moved toward her again not caring if she wanted him to or not. She actually takes a few steps toward him and they meet a meter from the wall.

"Morgause is my family, my true family. And I intend to go with her." They were once more so close, their breaths mingling before them.

"What about Arthur? He is your family too! I'll tell him who you are, isn't that enough?" He was begging and he didn't care. She couldn't go with Morgause. She couldn't turn against him too.

She shakes her head as an answer to his plea before speaking again. "Morgause is going to teach me...Teach me...Things you can't." And this time it was his turn to laugh.

"What can't _I _teach you? I'm more powerful than Morgause could ever dream of becoming."

She took a deep nervous, almost shuddering breath before meeting his eyes. "The dark arts."

His mouth actually opens slightly in surprise, before he recovers. "No! No! Morgana, you can't! I won't let you! You will be destroyed, everything that is good and pure about you will be gone!"

She hesitated for a few moments before responding, "good! And I told you, you do not control me! You won't _ever _make another decision for me again!"

Merlin actually felt his eyes sting, Morgause was destroying the woman he loved already. For once he doesn't know what to say...And then Morgana did something he hadn't been expecting. She grabbed him and kissed him hard. He didn't question it, only responded roughly.

It was desperate, hot, wet. And Merlin battled her for control; a battle he won as he pushed her against the wall again. Shamefully his body readied itself for her whilst he had her pinned against the wall earlier, and now it was just as eager...If not more. He hiked her leg up and around his waist and pushed himself against her. Showing her just what she had done to him. Her nails bit painfully into the skin of his shoulder and he saw her smile, he leaned down and bit her lip just as painfully in retaliation.

That was when she moved her hips against his. He hissed at her again, but this time for a _very _different reason. He couldn't believe that after everything that had just happened, _this _is what they were doing. She shimmied against him and his head fell back.

As they moved, she kept releasing little moans and gasps...Ones that made him desperate to throw her onto the nearest surface and take her.

And then she pushed him back.

"What was that?" He gasped, barely breathing, driven half mad by everything that had just happened.

"That, _my love, _was goodbye." Her words made him snap around, just in time to see her eyes change, turn gold. Before he felt himself being thrown across the room and everything went black.

**xoxox**

**Okay, yeah, so...I'm sorry this took so long! I had exams (which were awful! I actually cried after one!), then prom, then actually dealing with the process of leaving school. **

**Well it's all over now! Woo!**

**So what did you think of the chapter? Angsty enough? Let me know in a review! **

**Okay I think that's all...Yupp okay till next time then! **


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